BYSTANDERS DEEPEN PROBLEMS OF NEW YORK GOVERNOR

“I never touched anyone inappropriately.”

There it is. That’s the line. That’s the difference between sexual harassment and perfectly acceptable behavior that might be misunderstood, at least in the mind of New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo.

The once-popular, three-term governor is facing a barrage of harassment charges and calls to resign, from Democrats and Republicans alike.

Cuomo’s accusers include Charlotte Bennett, his former executive assistant. In an interview with Norah O’donnell on the CBS Evening News, she described the governor as a “textbook abuser.” Bennett said that Cuomo wanted to sleep with her, although he never propositioned her. Instead, he told Bennett that he was lonely — and that she was “old enough” for him.

Bennett’s accusations came only a few days after another former administration aide, Lindsey Boylan, published an essay in which she detailed several years of uncomfortable interactions with the governor.

Just a few days later, a third woman — who is not a former employee — described an unwanted advance from the governor at a wedding. Last weekend, two more women stepped forward with additional allegations of inappropriate behavior. And on Thursday, Cuomo was accused of groping an aide who was at the governor’s mansion.

Under immense public and political pressure, the governor’s office has asked the state attorney general, Letitia James, to appoint someone to conduct an outside investigation into the harassment claims. James selected a former federal prosecutor and an employment lawyer to run the investigation.

In his first public remarks after the earlier allegations came to light, Cuomo apologized but said that he would not resign. He asked his constituents to let the investigation play out. Cuomo continued with familiar words: “I never meant to hurt anyone or cause any pain. I’ve learned an important lesson. I will be better for the experience. But my intent doesn’t matter: If anybody was offended, I was wrong.”

Hoping to deflect, Cuomo then said, “There are more senior women in (my) administration than probably any in history.” It’s an oft-used strategy in these situations, to make us think that someone who is supposedly pro-woman couldn’t possibly be a harasser.

Granted, Cuomo is an unabashed hugger and kisser. As his senior adviser Rich Azzopardi noted, reporters and photographers who cover the governor “have spent 14 years watching him kiss men and women and posing for pictures.” So, clearly, in Cuomo’s world, hugging and kissing strangers doesn’t cross the harassment line.

The governor’s alleged actions are puzzling when you consider that he’s the father of three daughters, ages 25 (twins) and 22. My own daughter is about the same age, so I find it creepy that Cuomo allegedly asked Bennett, 25, if age difference mattered in a relationship, saying he was fine with anyone over the age of 22.

Oddly, Cuomo has also signed laws that strengthen protections against discrimination and harassment under the New York State Human Rights Law, making them easier to prove.

Sexual misconduct allegations among politicians are as old as American history. The pattern persists: A man in power acts with impunity toward a woman, often his subordinate. And while the consequences are different for every woman involved, they often share feelings of fear, shame and pain.

In Cuomo’s case, there have been ample opportunities for course correction over the years. But it was easier to follow the path of least resistance. For Bennett, that meant being transferred to another department and a decision by aides not to investigate the matter any further. Somehow, Bennett’s “grooming” by the governor didn’t constitute harassment.

Certainly, it’s important to know what to do when someone clearly crosses the line. But the real key to protecting Bennett, Boylan and others is stopping that line from being crossed in the first place.

In the workplace, that means speaking up when we see or hear something that doesn’t seem right. Often, harassing behavior begins with microaggressions — everyday slights, snubs and comments that communicate hostility to the person on the receiving end, even if intended to be harmless.

When we act as bystanders, choosing not to step in, we reinforce this behavior. Instead, we should act as “upstanders,” intervening in the moment or shortly after. Sometimes, just a simple conversation can make a difference, especially when a person is unaware that their remarks were troubling.

This takes moxie. We worry about jumping to conclusions. And we fear getting involved because of concerns about retaliation, hurting relationships or damaging a person’s reputation — all at play in the Cuomo situation.

Still, I can’t help but think: If only there had been just one upstander in the governor’s inner circle. Imagine all the misery that could have been avoided.

Dinkin is president of the National Conflict Resolution Center, a San Diego-based group working to create solutions to challenging issues, including intolerance and incivility. To learn about NCRC’S programming, visit ncrconline.com