A CLASSIC COMMENCEMENT SPEECH FROM DR. SEUSS

Commencement season at the county’s schools and colleges has begun. San Diego has seen many memorable graduation speakers.

Perhaps most famously, in 1963 President John F. Kennedy delivered a commencement address at San Diego State College. In 1997 President Bill Clinton called on the nation to bridge racial divides in a commencement address at the UCSD. And 25 years after Annette Bening studied drama at Mesa College, the Oscar-nominated actress returned to her alma mater to urge graduates from the class of 2002 to follow their dreams.

Although many notables will offer graduation speeches again this year, it will still be hard to top this “Small Epic Poem” delivered by Dr. Seuss, Theodor Geisel, for the 1978 Revelle College commencement at UCSD.

From The San Diego Union, Monday, June 19, 1978:

Small Epic Poem (Size 2 3/4 B)

I’ve been brought here this morning

At the enormous expense

Of precisely one dollar and fifty five cents -Plus 19 cents more if you add on the tip To the driver who drove on this hazardous trip

From the wilds of La Jolla

Far to the south —

So that you can hear wisdom pour out my mouth.

I’ve been brought here to warn you

Of the stress and the strife

That you’ll face as you bravely ride forth into Life.

So I’ve compended a compendium Of gruesome grim items

Of stuff that should scare you Ad-in-fin-it-tye-tums.

Such as the lamentable instability Of your fast-shrinking dollars.

And the current crisis in the marketability

Of Kangaroo Collars.

You’ll be faced with the problems Of Armament, Treaties

And would Bruce Jenner have won the Olympics

If he had failed to eat Wheaties!

On the problem of Urban Renewal and Zoning

I must point out the fact that

While Zoners are Zoning, Cloning also goes on!

And while Cloners are Cloning, There is no legal way

You can un-zone the Cloners Until the Supreme Court speaks out And de-un-clones the Zoners.

And the problems of Corrupt Government

And who to impeach!

And ... should and Anthropoid mate With a Star-bellied Sneetch? And...what is the answer

Down there on Black’s Beach??

I must speak of the Great Shamrock Shortage in Belfast

And how, all over the world Things are going to hell fast.

And how...due to Mr. Jarvis and Proposition 13...

There’ll be no one to keep

The gym locker room clean.

Which brings us to Solzhenitsyn

And Moral Decay,

And how POT affects hens

And the eggs that they lay.

I could go on and depress you

For the rest of the day,

But I’m so depressed

That I’m not going to stay.

I’m throwing the rest of my compendium away.

And I’ll say the one single good thing I can say.

As you leap on your horses and enter the fray.

I just wish you Good Luck

And a Hasta Luego

From U.C. La Jolla...

...I mean San Diego.

Dr. Seuss Revelle College 1978 Commencement