San Diego Union-Tribune (Sunday)
SELENA HELPED ME TURN CONFUSION INTO CONFIDENCE
Not many people have the opportunity to say that their idol established confidence, strength and desire, but that is what Selena Quintanilla-pérez did for me. The dream of being accepted in a predominantly White school was difficult. I tried to fit in, but never felt I did.
I was 2 years old when Selena died. I never had the chance to see her in a concert, visit her boutique or just casually run into her like so many of her fans did. But Selena is more than just an artist. She inspires me to do the impossible.
Growing up with two immigrant parents who, at the time, could only afford a one-bedroom apartment in City Heights, I wasn’t an ordinary girl. With fears of one day not seeing each other again due to their immigration status, my parents didn’t know how to navigate the school system. They only wanted the best education for me, so I attended elementary, middle and high school outside of the barrio where I lived. There were far more White students than Latino students. At the time, Spanish was the only language that I felt comfortable with, and my teachers would give up on me because I was “unteachable.”
I was 4 years old when Selena was introduced to me. I fell in love with her because she looked like me. My mother bought a CD with multiple artists and Selena was one of them. Saturday mornings were cleaning days, and “Dreaming of You” was always the only song on repeat. I can still remember that feeling I used to have when I first listened to Selena.
I didn’t enjoy going to my elementary school. I felt different, neglected, powerless, and I started believing that having blonde hair and blue eyes was the only way to be likable. In the mornings, I would pretend to be sick and try to convince my parents to let me skip school. Then one day, my mother bought the “Selena” movie, and I saw how confident she was in her final concert. I instantly fell in love with her performance, her style, her hair. I became the little girl who wasn’t afraid to show what I could do and I would dance throughout our tiny apartment.
Selena established my confidence. I didn’t have to be blonde or have blue eyes to be beautiful. My dark hair and dark eyes were just perfect. My Chicana roots are just perfect.
As the years passed, my English became proficient, but my Spanish was slowly fading away, and my family in Mexico would make fun of me. Again, I felt small, and I would try my best to communicate with my family in Mexico. I would forget words in Spanish and fill them in with English words. My dad would say, “Tienes que hablar más español,” and he was right, it is part of my culture to embrace the Spanish language.
Feeling insecure and confused about where I belonged, my idol Selena helped me recapture that feeling of confidence. I watched an interview where Selena was on “El Show de Cristina” (the Cristina show) and she was full of confidence, like always. Selena wasn’t perfect at speaking Spanish, and it caught my eye because she would sing in Spanish. When Selena mispronounced the number 14 and said “diez y cuatro,” Cristina quickly said it was “catorce. ”I thought to myself, that was the same way I would pronounce the number 14 in Spanish.
What I admired about Selena was the way she reacted. She wasn’t mad or embarrassed. She simply laughed and said, “But you understood me, right?” in Spanish. I learned that I don’t have to be an excellent Spanish speaker to be perfect.
Selena also established my passion for education and journalism. Growing up, I was not perfect in school, and my grades were terrible. My teachers would create new ways to teach me, but what they didn’t understand was that I was teaching myself. Selena’s words stuck with me all the way to my high school graduation: “Always believe that the impossible is always possible.”
I wasn’t good at school, but I wanted to be able to tell stories that weren’t told. I wanted to be a journalist. Selena was the inspiration I needed to get through San Diego Mesa College, especially her positive attitude toward woman’s empowerment in a music genre that is male-dominated.
In 2019, the year I transferred to San Diego State University, I learned that Dr. Nathian Shae Rodriguez was creating a Selena and Latinx course. It was like destiny was telling me to take it. I was extremely happy that a professor had the amazing idea to represent Latinos at SDSU with Selena being the anchor. I felt like SDSU wasn’t representing Latinos enough and for a professor to see that was amazing to me. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to take it at first, but I am currently taking it this semester, and I feel like I am at home.
Today, Selena’s music is constant in my life. When I feel nervous or ready to give up, I play Selena to inspire me again. She inspires me to keep going, to reach my goals with no hesitation of giving up, and to reach for the stars. I love Selena Quintanilla-pérez.