San Diego Union-Tribune (Sunday)
Coaches pay for NFL owners’ errors
Sez Me … The majority of NFL owners in the select group of weasels are loyal. To Dollar, Almighty. All Evil, Root Of.
But they have no idea how to spend it wisely on the tricky matters of football.
Over the past five years, they have spent $800-million-and-counting on dismissed coaches and front officers. According to ESPN’S Adam Schefter, The League’s brains are looking into this.
But the answer is simple. Owners. No patience. Bad hires. No loyalty to those who deserve a chance.
What so many NFL bosses/ losers/dairy farmers do as seasons draw to a close is udder nonsense — trying to milk Mrs. O’leary’s barren cow, and every year frustrated Daisy, with nothing to give, kicks over the lantern and fires begin.
And, all too often, they don’t have the mental or physical extinguishers to put them out. Money also is f lammable.
Many are weaned on the silver spoon, born halfway between third and home but never scoring. Many are self-made, astute businessmen, who try to treat their organizations as such. They know it all. They think they know football. They meddle. They get their rich asses kicked.
In nearly all cases bosses are to blame for their team’s ineptitude, but coaches and football people always get, as Rick Smith says, “The big haircut.”
Can’t say many aren’t deserved, but most pink slips are sewn with threads of impatience. Say, who hired them? No head coach gets a job without sitting in front of an owner.
Some aren’t cut out for it, get the jobs, get fired, get rich, and either are hired again and fail, or go back to their specialties as assistants.
Last week, Denver canned rookie Nathaniel Hackett, who obviously was a mile high over his head. A highly regarded offensive coordinator, Nathaniel couldn’t coordinate anything for Russell “Little Help!” Wilson.
Meanwhile, reports claim the next Broncos coach won’t report to GM George Paton, but to owner Rob “Son of Sam” Walton, who can give him Walmart shopping tips from his stores’ meddling department.
So now, there are at least two coaching vacancies — Denver and Carolina (not to mention the GM position in Tennessee). It’s doubtful Jeff Saturday will remain in Indianapolis long after next Saturday, although interfering owner Bob Irsay considers himself Rockne. One never knows, but I easily see Jim Harbaugh going to the Colts. More are likely to come. Sean Payton is out there, and although rumors have it he wants to coach Justin Herbert in L.A., Brandon Staley has the Judases in the playoffs, so that appears to be out.
Payton is going to demand a ton — and probably control — which eliminates him from penurious checks-and-balances Fredo Spanos’ list, but it’s highly doubtful Sean’s going to a team without a franchise quarterback.
If Dallas doesn’t make the Super Bowl, it’s easy to see Jerry Jones bringing in good pally Payton.
It appears the Kliff Kingsbury experiment has blown up the Arizona lab.
Sean Mcvay has threatened to retire at a young age for TV money.
Tampa? Washington? Houston? Vegas?
NFL bosses, man. Some of them, as Costanza said of Steinbrenner, “Fire people like it’s a bodily function.”
Ever hear one say: “The fish stinks from my head”?
Patience is not in their chromosomes. Since 2000, The NFL Team That Used To Be Here has had six head coaches. The Steelers have had three since 1969, and six Lombardi Trophies.
The Judases/l.a. Lodgers have had 17 head coaches since 1969.
And, if there’s any reminder of Lombardi in their Costa Mesa Lima Bean Farm HQ, it’s an autographed photo of Vince, donated by George Pernicano. …
Irsay says he gave Frank Reich an extension (Jimmy still owes the coach he fired in-season $36 million) “before I wanted to.” What do you expect? Son of an owner. …
I realize a lot of people were upset when suck-up Staley gave Fredo the game ball after the Judases beat the Colts and made the playoffs. But ease up. It was Fredo’s first one — and somebody pretended to know who he is. …
JJ Watt is retiring. Great, great player. A credit to his sport — which probably didn’t deserve him — and society. …
Do the Raiders actually think they can get a QB better than
Derek Carr? Other than finding a new bowl for the one his barber broke, it will be Mark Davis’ toughest decision. Which of course will be wrong. …
The Davises have benched Carr, who has vamoosed, making him the last person to leave Vegas in 2022 with more money than he came with. Son of Al is f lushing the toilet while his team (although highly doubtful) hasn’t been eliminated from the playoffs. …
Carr may have returned whence he came, Fresno, Gateway to Visalia. …
On Dec. 11, 2022, Kyle Shanahan allowed a sportswriter into the 49ers locker room at halftime vs. the Bucs. That’s like Pete Rozelle inviting Al Davis over for tea and crumpets. …
Tom Brady isn’t saving Vegas. Why would he want to work for these dopes? …
The Cowboys may be interested in an Owens, in this case,
Terrell. They may as well be looking for Jesse .…
Free Reggie Bush’s Heisman! Given penalties the gutless NCAA has whitewashed since it crushed Reggie and USC, what Bush did wrong — and nothing ’s been proved — was like stepping on somebody’s lawn. …
Speaking of USC Heismans, here’s Payton on Caleb Williams: “I think he’s a generational player.” Is. …
At the very least, the NFL can eliminate the PI’S leveled on defensive backs when a horribly underthrown pass causes the receiver to stop, try to come back, and get run into by the innocent DB. …
Alabama is the first university to have 70 players in the NFL. Most of them remain on the Tide’s roster, says K-state. …
Bo Nix has more eligibility than Bradley Cooper .…
Great Holiday Bowl and all people talk about is the Petco turf. Do not care. …
The Rose Bowl never should be an also-ran. …
See where a solitary San Francisco cyclist blew up over an ambulance blocking a bike lane? Not happening here. There would have to be a cyclist. …
Herschel Walker denies
George Santos was a student in his lying class, as does George. Enrollment records prove otherwise. …
The Spanish Inquisition could have been more tortuous, but it preceded Greg Abbott’s rise to power. …
RIP, Barbara Walters. One of the great interviewers. Groundbreaker. Glass ceiling breaker. …
RIP, Mike Curran, captain of Over-the-line. His way or no way. …
Bill Cosby will tour in 2023. Not sure who will open for him, but rumor has it he’s leaning toward Har vey Weinstein .…
RIP, Pele. The Beautiful Game’s Most Beautiful Player. Saw him with the NASL Cosmos, playing the Jaws to a 1-1 draw, on March 24, 1976, before 18,000-plus in Balboa Stadium — or about 18,000 more than the Jaws normally drew. …
Ronaldo has joined Saudi soccer club Al-nassr. For $175 billion, plus a 2009 Hummer H2. …
Three first names were born on Dec. 30 — Sandy, Lebron and Tiger .…
I was delayed by Southwest Airlines. And I never left my house. …
Hear tell taking breaks from work can increase your productivity. I’m waiting. …
Happy New Year to you, yours and mine.