DEALING WITH A WAVE OF PANDEMIC LONELINESS
Gen Z is often referred to as the loneliest generation. Ironically, we’re also the most connected. How can a generation raised with endless ways to communicate be plagued with loneliness? Social media portrays an unrealistic illusion. Scroll through Tiktok for a few minutes, and we see highly romanticized montages of friend groups, people pranking their friends through Snapchat, and countless other trends that count on the dynamic of friendships. These videos often impact our mental health since they put an unrealistic standard on what having friends looks like. Usually, we resort to school for a distraction from these underlying feelings. It is the only place where we get constant interaction with others, but what happens if that’s taken away?
In March, school districts all over the nation announced they would be closing campuses as a precaution during the worsening pandemic. At the time, this was welcome news — a two-week break from school life meant a chance to socially recharge. However, we failed to anticipate this two-week break would extend for the rest of the school year. What many initially perceived as a short break from the stress of school life evolved into a wave of loneliness and disconnect.
In the next three months, we would come to realize the difference between friends and classmates. As the lockdown extended, a majority of us felt the devastating effects of social distancing, which for many of us was more like social isolation. We went from interacting with a healthy amount of people to getting lucky if we had a conversation with one or two friends.
It didn’t take long for a pattern to emerge. If we did not initiate the conversation, no one else would. Feelings of confusion, betrayal and loneliness were exacerbated. Why was it that none of our friends were making the effort to message us?
How much effort should one expect to give and receive in a friendship? 80/20? 40/60? A majority of us probably think 50/50 is a reasonable split. However, this 50/50 effort split is the model that allows disconnection and distance to run rampant in friendships.
Friendship is an intimate connection that strengthens with trust, vulnerability and intimacy, often requiring one to care for another person and at times prioritize the other person over oneself. The only effort model that can truly build and maintain a healthy friendship is a 100/0 split, meaning you put effort into the friendship and expect nothing in return.
At first glance, this seems unfair. After all, we all expect our friends to care about us the same way we care about them. However, it’s important to understand this only works if both parties abide by this mindset of expecting nothing in return. With this method, the individual has all the power to decide how much effort to put in a friendship. If the effort the other person is putting in isn’t enough, then the individual can simply end the friendship and move on.
This gives power to the individual by allowing one to easily decide which friendships are worth it. The 50/50 method simply puts us in a loop of pettiness as we wait for the other person to text or make plans first. One person doesn’t reach out because the other person hasn’t reached out and so on. It’s an endless cycle, and the only way to stop it is by putting in the effort to reach out.
However, the problem runs much deeper than this. Loneliness often creates a cycle that is easy to become trapped in. When individuals feel alone, they are likely to blame themselves for it, highlighting negative traits in their appearance or personality as justification for their poor social life. They will be overtaken with persistent feelings of inferiority and insecurity, doubting anyone genuinely wants to talk to them. It is this pessimistic thought process that fuels the cycle of social isolation. If it goes on for long enough, this cycle can easily lead someone into a depressed state.
Helping friends doesn’t mean you have to fix their issues. Most people just want someone to talk to. Loneliness is a very real issue and oftentimes our only hope to overcome it is to reach out to someone.
Aitor is 17 and a senior at Loara High School who lives in Anaheim.