10 ‘gal pals’ survive life with laughter and love
Everyone cherishes a special friend from childhood, high school or college. But 10 best friends?
A strong bond between 10 members of the class of ’72 from La Mesa’s Helix High School has united the women through the ups and downs of life for more than 50 years.
The women are married, divorced and widowed. Together, they have mothered 18 kids and have 34 grandchildren and step-grandchildren.
Collectively, they have survived the trials of parenthood, the passing of three husbands, the loss of family members, six divorces, cancer diagnoses, various medical challenges and a few tragedies, including one member’s recent loss of a nephew and a brother-in-law to COVID-19.
They also have celebrated births and birthdays, weddings, job promotions, career changes and multiple successes. They have dined and danced, organized activities and outings — visits to Balboa Park, picnics at the beach, group stays at a Coronado inn and elsewhere. They have taken walks, classes and even vacations together.
Today, they are 67 and 68 years old. All but one remain in San Diego County — scattered among the communities of Carlsbad, Escondido, Lakeside, La Mesa, Mira Mesa, Rancho Santa Fe, Santee and Point Loma.
“We all are constantly asked what is the secret to our group staying so connected and close,” says Marla McDonough Callaghan of Portland, Ore. She is the only one who lives out of the area, but she returns to an apartment in Pacific Beach for six weeks each year. And the group has traveled to Oregon to visit her five or six times.
“Some moved away, but everybody came back to San Diego except me,” says Callaghan, who, despite her distance, is considered a spark that drives the group.
“What keeps us together is our goal to see each other,” she believes. That and their healthy senses of humor. Mostly, they laugh together. Laughter has proved to be the best medicine.
Julie Heacock White, a mural artist and the only one who still lives in La
Mesa, points to love as a common denominator. “We really care. We need each other in our lives. We’ve all been through so much together.”
It’s an eclectic group with financial status ranging from middle income to millionaire. Political affiliations are divided between Democrat and Republican. Some have had COVID-19 vaccinations. Others are anti-vaxxers. Some are college graduates. Some aren’t.
Despite their differences, their friendship remains paramount.
Probably, if they met today, some wouldn’t be best friends. But the shared experiences of high school — the pranks, the slumber parties, the inside jokes, the romances, the breakups, the highs and lows — formed a forever glue.
“We have known each other long enough to get past the pettiness and posturing,” says Callaghan.
If there’s a crisis, even 50 years later, Callaghan says the longtime friends “will be at your doorstep in two seconds if you need them.”
White recalls that when her husband died nine years ago, her lady friends got together and prepared food for the reception that followed his funeral — serving about 500 people.
The “gal pals,” as they refer to themselves, also include: Valerie Coffield Cowan, a former Carlsbad teacher; Sharon James Frye of Rancho Santa Fe; Helix High Foundation member Judy Mitchell Kirk of Lakeside; and Linda Harris, a former Poway schoolteacher.
Rounding out the group are: retiree Patty Fluharty Mudgett of Carlsbad; Darlene Salmon of Santee, who works as an analyst for the University of California San Diego Academic Senate; Kim Markley Shaw of Point Loma, a former teacher’s assistant; and Pam Faught Stahl, a retired teacher in Escondido who is still substitute teaching.
“We’ve known each other since we were freshmen in high school,” says Salmon. A few of their friendships date as far back as kindergarten. “A special bond is created when you’re young. We ‘get’ each other — each other’s sense of humor and personality. We’ve been through a lot together. That’s hard to create with friends you meet later in life.”
Her mother passed away in 2019 at age 97. “The last year was pretty hard,” says Salmon. “My gals always were there for me. They’d call and check in. They all knew my mom and loved her.”
As she was preparing to speak at her mother’s funeral, she looked out and, a few pews back, saw all nine of her gal pals looking up at her.
“I felt their love and warmth and support. It gave me the feeling of, ‘yes, I can do this.’ I’d do anything for them and they’d do anything for me. It’s a really, really important part of my life.”
For years, they have gathered monthly, if not more often. The pandemic put a damper on their activities, but they still got together in someone’s backyard, where they could socialize at a distance. They tried Zoom meetings but prefer staying in touch via group text, through which they regularly share news and photos.
As recently as last week, they met for lunch on the outdoor patio of a restaurant in Solana Beach.
“As a member of this group, you never feel alone,” says Callaghan.
Salmon summed up the special friendship this way: “I just have a spring in my step after we get together.”