HONOR THE COUNTLESS IMMIGRANT MOTHERS
La douleur est énorme.
The pain is heavy.
Millions of people flee threats of violence, persecution and economic insecurity to seek safety and better opportunities, and to strive to begin a new life in another country. But the immigrants’ ambitions for resettlement and their reality can be quite different. Strict immigration policies, fear, uncertainty, racism and discrimination all create challenges for access and resources. Additionally, immigrant mothers like myself shoulder the weight of caregiving for children.
Last year, through my involvement with schools, I met two immigrant mothers whose stories I want to share for Mother’s Day. One woman was from Haiti, a mother of two children, now aged 12 and 13. The other was from Iraq, the mother of four children.
The Haitian immigrant left her home country with her husband and two children in 2014 and went to Brazil, where jobs were available because the country was hosting the FIFA World Cup. When those opportunities dried up after the World Cup and the living conditions worsened, they traveled to Mexico and later to San Diego, embarking on a journey through some of the world’s most dangerous countries. They avoided corrupt police officers and drug traffickers. They fought illnesses from dehydration and hunger, and they had to pull away from people in kidnapping attempts.
Reaching the United States in 2019 didn’t end their hardships.
It can be hard for immigrants to find employment here. The former president’s anti-immigrant policies have deepened the immigrants’ fear, anxiety and uncertainty, and the current president faces criticism from immigrant advocates who accuse him of perpetuating those policies. They have also led to a lack of support and increased bullying of immigrant students in schools.
During the COVID-19 pandemic, the mother from Haiti navigated pressures to economically support her family while providing and protecting her children. Like most mothers, Aida would do anything for her family, and she did. She willingly managed to redefine her role, maintaining high levels of educational aspirations for her children, countering teachers and students’ negative stereotypes about immigrants and low-income families, and responding proactively to school policies and public-health decisions.
“Not speaking English is very hard,” she told me in French. “I am happy that you and I speak French.”
“La douleur est énorme, Lallia,” she said — “The pain is heavy, Lallia.”
Her experience in the United States is not unique. The Iraqi woman I met moved to San Diego with her husband and four children after a war of aggression by the U.S. that affected many innocent people in Iraq. After years of bureaucratic delays, she made it to San Diego with her family in 2018. Now she sees the lack of protection for the most vulnerable refugees, and has little hope of achieving a safe and decent life, and adequately integrating into American society. She left Iraq to find security and to help her children succeed, but since being here, she has expressed a big concern for her children’s well-being. Despite structural and cultural barriers, she aims for high levels of engagement with her children’s elementary and middle schools, because education is so important to her. She doesn’t speak English, so she engages less directly with the schools, but she always tries to be encouraging at home. In the middle of our conversation, she started crying, reminiscing about her traumatic events in Iraq. She was forced to leave her home, culture and community due to excessive threats of violence, yet she doesn’t “feel the tranquility and the contentment” she thought she would in the U.S.
She told me she is always feeling sad, hopeless and scared for her children.
When these two mothers sought safety by settling in San Diego, their emotional distress was intense. Yet most immigrants, refugee mothers and other survivors of forced displacement don’t receive the mental health services they need. Mental health services must be a priority for these mothers, as post-migration stressors such as unemployment, poor socioeconomic conditions and concerns about their children’s education can deteriorate their mental health.
On this memorable day, I would like to honor the countless immigrant mothers who often times go unrecognized for their hard work, dedication and courage as they navigate the societal pressures to provide for their children economically while nurturing and protecting them, and to assimilate into a new society for the betterment of their children and families.
Happy Mother’s Day, immigrant mothers.