Two parts hydrogen, one part oxygen

The way I see it, the reason people are buying water for a dime is not because they want the water. It’s because there aren’t that many things you can buy for a dime.

Just when you thought there was nothing a dime could buy anymore, the Canteen vending machine company comes through. In their newest machines, a cup of cold water sells for 10 cents.

They just installed one of these machines at The Chronicle, and it’s doing a brisk business. Traditionally, water has been a popular beverage.

Lest you think there is something special about the 10-cent water, there isn’t. It’s not bottled, from France or full of bubbles. It doesn’t come with ice. It’s just water. If you peek behind the machine, you can even see the hose that connects the machine to the water faucet.

I was standing by the water machine the other day when two colleagues, Barbara and Avie, stuck in their dimes and bought two cups of water.

To get to the machine, they each had to get up from their desks and walk right past a refrigerated drinking fountain.

This is the very stuff of intrigue. I asked them why they would pay 10 cents for water instead of getting it free, and they both said because the 10-cent water tastes better. How about running a test of that? Sure, they said.

Well, I didn’t do that, of course. I emptied both cups and refilled them both with water from the drinking fountain.

Avie took a sip of the cup marked “A” and wrinkled her nose. She took a sip from the cup marked “B” and you’d have thought the stuff was Dom Perignon ’75.

“This is so-o-o much more refreshing,” said Avie. “It’s hard to describe. It’s lighter.”

She took another sip and swished it around in her mouth like Listerine. She was determined to do the thing right.

“It’s colder,” she added. “And there’s no chemical taste. What can I say? It’s like comparing champagne to Chablis.”

As for Barbara, she said both cups tasted the same, but then she knows me better than Avie does and, besides, I think she was peeking when I emptied the cups.

It was time to get to the bottom of things. I called Harry Shanks, the district manager of the Canteen Vending Service, and asked him about his new product and wasn’t he having just a little trouble getting to sleep at night.

“Ten cents for water,” he replied, “is a real bargain in today’s market.”

He explained that it cost a lot of money to buy cups and even more to pay the man who puts in the cups.

Besides, he said, you can look at the thing two ways. Sure, the company is charging 10 cents for water, but every customer who pays 10 cents for water instead of 30 cents for a soft drink is actually costing the company 20 cents.

The way I see it, the reason people are buying water for a dime is not because they want the water. It’s because there aren’t that many things you can buy for a dime.

What good is a piece of money if the only thing it buys is time on a parking meter?

So, I put a dime in the water machine and out came my very own cup of water. I took a sip. One thing about paying 10 cents for water — you really appreciate what a wonderful thing water is.

Cold and refreshing. Correct with meat or fish. Served in the finest restaurants, alongside meals costing $100 or more. No aftertaste. Water. I may even have some more tomorrow.

This column originally appeared in The San Francisco Chronicle on Aug. 7, 1982.