LEARN TO CARE

This student found the openness with which some college students express emotion — especially offense — jarring.

Baker and his friend realized their reaction to campus debates reflected different biographies and vulnerabilities. Though they still don’t agree, they respect and understand each other more deeply.

At our last meeting, the class took stock. Had we become kinder? How would we know?

Students had noticed changes. When they saw classmates or neighbors struggling, they were quicker to stop what they were doing and ask how they could help. Baker, a tutor in computer science, was giving his students more compassionate feedback. Another student, prompted by a challenge, braved a difficult conversation with her sister that brought them closer together.

Students also worked at becoming kinder to themselves. They didn’t judge their friends by their failures; now they tried to apply that same principle to themselves.

Of course, the class wasn’t a true experiment; we had no pre-post tests or control group. But the students’ willingness to grow was an inspiration. Our world makes kindness hard, but these brand-new adults were fighting back. I couldn’t help but see them as also fighting something else.

Gen Z is roundly stereotyped as thinskinned, selfie-obsessed and callous. But the data are harder to parse than we might imagine. Yes, college students report being less empathic now than they did 40 years ago. But it’s unclear whether this reflects a failing of their generation, or broader trends that make caring difficult for young and old alike.

Other evidence points in the opposite direction. Compared to older generations, Millennials are more concerned with the welfare of minority individuals, the poor and even the planet.

By virtue of taking a class called Becoming Kinder, my students were likely a kind bunch already. But they also understand how urgently we must reclaim empathy. Empathy is an ancient engine for kindness, much older than our species. It is the scaffold on which human culture is built. Our house might be teetering, but we don’t have to let it collapse.

My own research demonstrates that simply believing empathy is a skill, rather than an innate trait, inspires people to try harder at it, even connecting with people of different races or political persuasions. My students worked at kindness and grew as a result. If more of us follow suit, we have a chance to mend our social fabric.

We are in a struggle for our moral lives. It feels right for my students and their generation to lead the way. Whichever future we produce, they will be the ones inhabiting it.

Jamil Zaki is an associate professor of psycholog y at Stanford University and head of the Stanford Social Neuroscience Laboratory. He is author of the forthcoming book “The War for Kindness.”