San Francisco Chronicle - (Sunday)
Ask Mick LaSalle:
Which Hollywood stars would you tell to pack it in?
Dear Mr. LaSalle: If you had the chance to tell four or five Alist actors or actresses to just stay home — to not make any more movies, that their best days are long behind them — who would make the list?
John Oertel, Redding
Dear Mr. Oertel: No one. I wouldn’t think of saying that to any human being, much less a creative artist. I wouldn’t say it if I knew it were true, and anyway, I’m not in a position to know what’s true. We have no idea what’s going on inside somebody. We have no idea of what someone might do. Artists aren’t like athletes, whose declines are predictable and, at a certain point, sadly irreversible. Until artists are dead, they’re capable of suddenly coming back with their best work.
Hello Mick: I think “Shane” is one of the best Westerns ever made, and “Singin’ in the Rain” is one of the best musicals ever made. I would be interested in your thoughts on these two films.
Phil Maresca, San Carlos
Hello Phil: I agree that “Shane” is one of the best Westerns ever made, but “Singin’ in the Rain” is better as a memory. Aside from Gene Kelly’s set piece, which is great, I don’t like it much at all. To me, the best musicals are those that were made to be enjoyed by young people, that played the music that young people were listening to at the time. The blackandwhite musicals of the 1930s fall into that category. Technicolor extravaganzas like “Singin’ in the Rain,” by contrast, lack youthful vitality or authenticity. They seem evidence of an art form veering into decadence, with pyrotechnics — everything bigger, splashier and more colorful — there to distract us from the dead, sexless emptiness of the material. The jokes aren’t funny. The subplot involving Jean Hagen is cruel. And though Donald O’Connor is a good dancer, his shtick seems like mirthless high spirits. I see that and realize why Elvis Presley was necessary.
Dear Mick: As a former participant in Peter Hartlaub’s Bay Area March Baldness campaign, what do you think baldness or lack of baldness represents in the movies? Does being bald change your worldview? If there were a biopic made about you, would you want to be portrayed by a bald actor?
MaryAnn Miller, Napa
Dear MaryAnn: In movies, it’s unusual for the bald guy to be the good guy, unless the good guy is also bald, and it’s rare for a bald guy ever to be a romantic lead. So baldness is more associated with character roles. Being bald doesn’t change your worldview, but going bald builds character, especially if it happens early. (As with most things that build character, one would usually prefer to exchange the surplus character for never having to go through the characterbuilding experience.) As for the biopic about me, it depends what age we’re talking about. If the movie is about me now, yeah, I’d definitely want a bald actor. I could even play myself, as Muhammad Ali did. I would be very moving. However, if someone were playing me in my 20s, then I’d want an actor with hair. But then again, who could play me better than me, right? So, I’d hope they’d just give me a digital facelift, like the one they gave Matt Damon when he played a 20yearold in “Behind the Candelabra.” Then I could top it off with a very tasteful wig. You see? Dangle movie stardom, and next thing you know, I’ve turned into Gloria Swanson in “Sunset Boulevard.”
Hey Mick: I don’t care for Westerns but found “The Wild Bunch” exceptional. Where does it rank among your favorite Western films?
PJ Fowler, San Francisco
Hey PJ: I’m with you. I don’t care for Westerns, either, so it ranks nowhere. I don’t like enough Westerns to rank them. In any case, I saw “The Wild Bunch” when I was a child and barely remember it. But thanks for the recommendation. I’ll make sure to watch it again, next time I get an overpowering urge to see an Ernest Borgnine movie.
Have a question? Ask Mick LaSalle at mlasalle@sfchronicle.com. Include your name and city for publication, and a phone number for verification. Letters may be edited for clarity and length.