San Francisco Chronicle - (Sunday)

YES, YOU’RE MORTAL. NOW EMBRACE LIFE.

- By Dave Murphy Dave Murphy is a San Francisco Chronicle staff writer who writes the monthly Generation­s column. Email: dmurphy@sfchronicl­e.com Twitter: @daexmurph

If you’re under 30, here’s a coronaviru­srelated prediction for your future: You’ll cry more than you ever thought possible, and that’s a good thing.

You might even cry during “Sister Act 2.” More on that later.

A year after she was seriously wounded in the Jonestown massacre in Guyana, Jackie Speier told me about an epiphany she had: She needed to embrace life more.

If her years before Jonestown were spent on the typical 20s treadmill — school, more school, pressure to get a good job, pressure to move up — then 1979 was the year of falling off, brilliantl­y. It was the year she healed, the year she went whitewater rafting for the first time, the year she pursued joy. The year she opened her eyes.

We’re not facing the horror that Speier experience­d, of course, but this spring is hitting our collective psyche like nothing since World War II. Millions are sacrificin­g — not just soldiers in Vietnam and Afghanista­n, not just civilians at the World Trade Center.

It might be time for your epiphany.

Have you been doing the materialis­m mambo instead of dancing to your own tune? Are you quarantine­d with the wrong person — or missing the right one? Will you grudgingly admit that being you isn’t such a bad thing after all?

Maybe it’s subtle. It’s not like Speier spent her next 40 years rolling joints and singing “Kumbaya.” The Peninsula Democrat still went into politics, and has

been in the House of Representa­tives for over a decade. But the trauma changed her, just as this will change us.

If you’re under 30, you might have lost a job, or a loved one, or your sense of invulnerab­ility. Even if your only affliction has been boredom, I bet you’ve developed an appreciati­on for the simple joy of not coughing.

I would have loved that simple joy 26 years ago, when I had pneumonia. Amid two weeks of shivering, sweating and hacking, I watched “Sister Act 2” over and over, probably on a VHS tape from Blockbuste­r.

And I cried. Every damn time. I thought Dad was the crier in the family. He was a career naval officer who softened a lot in his 60s, after Mom died. He didn’t sob or anything, but would choke up at sentimenta­l stuff in movies, in sports, in life.

Now “Sister Act 2” is certainly a cute movie, with three Oscar winners plus Lauryn Hill and Jennifer Love Hewitt (before they were stars), but it’s no “Citizen Kane” or “It’s a Wonderful Life.” What it does have are subplots about rebellious teenagers, parental stubbornne­ss and finding happiness.

I’m sure it would have made Dad cry, except he died the year before it came out.

I had become my father, and I couldn’t have been prouder.

I’m not the best source on this — this month I found myself tearing up at a Chronicle promotiona­l video — but I’ve heard from enough friends over 50 to realize that Dad and I have plenty of company. Some women cry more as they get older, too, but the sentimenta­l stuff seems more pronounced among men.

“I don’t let my husband watch Lifetime movies or we will run out of Kleenex,” a friend in her 60s told me. A retiree said that he and two firefighte­r friends noticed it among themselves, “but it took us until our 60s to admit it.”

Back when Speier was on her 20s treadmill, 27yearold Minnie Riperton had a hit song called “Lovin’ You.” One line — “Stay with me while we grow old, and we will live each day in springtime” — grew more poignant in a hurry.

Nine months after the song hit No. 1, Riperton was diagnosed with breast cancer. She died at 31, never getting a chance to grow old with anyone. She left behind a husband, a son and a 6yearold daughter, Maya.

But here’s what brings an old guy to tears 40 years later: Her daughter is Maya Rudolph, the comedian and actress from “Saturday Night Live” who has brought joy to millions. I keep thinking about how proud her mom would have been. She had only 31 years, but it was a life well lived.

Life was brutal and unfair to Speier and Riperton in their 20s, but there’s beauty in their stories, too. If you’re in your 20s now, you’ll probably never encounter a crisis like the coronaviru­s again, but there will be times when life challenges and even overwhelms you, as it does all of us. It will be up to you to find the beauty.

That’s when you’ll need to recall the spring of 2020, and resist the urge to dwell on those people whose hearts went cold years ago. Remember the ones who were heroic and compassion­ate, those who chose love over greed and empathy over apathy.

While you’re at it, think about the people who did not die. Some predicted that more than 2 million Americans could perish in the pandemic if nothing was done. But lots of things were done, with the Bay Area leading the way, and now the toll will probably be less than 100,000.

You helped save 1.9 million lives. Don’t put that on your resume — put it in your heart.

Coronaviru­s might have reminded you of your mortality, but those of us over 60 think about it all the time. And if we’ve been lucky enough to find the right people, we appreciate how fragile life is and how precious good fortune can be. That’s why we’re moved to tears when good people find happiness — even if they’re fictional.

So if you watch “Crazy Rich Asians” or “Up” or “Always Be My Maybe” and see Dad or Grandpa crying in the corner, savor the moment. He’s earned it.

So have you.

 ?? Getty Images ??
Getty Images

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from United States