San Francisco Chronicle - (Sunday)

Par­ents ready for chick to fly away from nest

- By Jeanne Phillips Lifestyle · Family · Connecticut · Los Angeles · California

Dear Abby: Our 21-year-old daugh­ter has been home since March when the pan­demic be­gan. She has al­ways been a home­body. Our house is small, and my wife and I no longer can be alone or be phys­i­cally in­ti­mate be­cause our daugh­ter pre­vents it.

If we hug for an ex­tended pe­riod of time, she will make a com­ment. If we want to watch a movie, she wants to hang out, and we can’t watch it with­out her. My wife and I need pri­vacy, and we need our adult daugh­ter to cut the cord.

Our mar­riage re­ally evolved and we grew even closer when “the kid” moved out for col­lege. Now we can’t es­cape her. I miss my wife and our alone time. What should we do?

— frus­trated in the East Dear Frus­trated: This is your home, and your daugh­ter needs to ac­com­mo­date you, rather than the other way around. What you must do is have an adult con­ver­sa­tion with your home­body daugh­ter and ex­plain that you and her mother need time alone. Es­tab­lish a date night so she knows when to dis­ap­pear.

I’m as­sum­ing that she has a job and friends. If that’s the case, she should be ac­cu­mu­lat­ing enough money to live apart from you.

If you are not only shel­ter­ing her but also sup­port­ing her, you will need to cre­ate a plan so your daugh­ter can be­come in­de­pen­dent.

It may mean con­tribut­ing to her rent for an agreed-upon pe­riod of time, if nec­es­sary, so be pre­pared.

Dear Abby: I was won­der­ing if you could give me some ad­vice on tip­ping. I fre­quent cof­fee shops in my area as well as when I travel. The baris­tas usu­ally are younger women. usu­ally, there will be a tip jar lo­cated next to the cash regis­ter.

A typ­i­cal latte costs $4 to $5, and I leave a dol­lar in the tip jar. I re­al­ize that many servers may be dis­tracted if they’re wait­ing on other cus­tomers, but is it nor­mal for them to never ac­knowl­edge some­one who is giv­ing them a tip? Is the tip just ex­pected?

Again, I re­al­ize there could be dis­trac­tions, and maybe the baris­tas don’t no­tice me tip­ping them, but it seems like the rule rather than the ex­cep­tion. I think it comes across as lousy cus­tomer ser­vice. How hard is it to say “thank you”? Is this an­other ex­am­ple of a gen­er­a­tion of poorly raised peo­ple? — Sip­ping & Tip­ping in

Con­necti­cut Dear S & T: It’s not only good man­ners but also gOOD BuSI­NESS to thank clients/pa­trons — just as it’s con­sid­ered proper eti­quette to thank the per­son who served you. I hes­i­tate to paint an en­tire gen­er­a­tion with the same brush, but the in­di­vid­u­als you are deal­ing with could ben­e­fit from a re­fresher course in courtesy.

Dear Abby: I’m 56, dis­abled and live with my mom, who is 86. I’m re­ally scared of what’s go­ing to hap­pen to me when she passes.

— Scared in Ne­vada Dear Scared: You should not be in limbo re­gard­ing this ques­tion be­cause your con­cern is valid. It’s im­por­tant that you talk to your mother about your fears and ask her that ques­tion. The an­swer may in­volve her es­tate and whether she has a will that pro­vides for you in the event of her death. I am hop­ing that her an­swer will put your mind at ease.

Write to Dear Abby at or

P.O. Box 69440,

Los An­ge­les, CA 90069. An­drews McMeel


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