San Francisco Chronicle - (Sunday)
Mental health: Some anxious about life going back to ‘normal’
Case rates plummeting, vaccines injected, restaurants opening their doors again. These are signs of hope and normalcy for many, after a year spent hunkered down in sweatpants.
But not everyone relishes the thought of returning to the way things were before the pandemic. For those who learned to embrace the slower pace of life ushered in by sheltering in place, that very idea can produce great anxiety.
Yes, a baseball game or music festival may be enticing. But leaving quarantine behind
also means returning to hectic daily commutes, school dropoffs, office meetings, small talk in line at the post office and facetoface social obligations.
Builtup fears about the coronavirus itself, and its variants, especially among those not yet vaccinated, compound the uneasiness that many feel.
“It’s just easier to stay home,” said Emily Liu, 24, of San Francisco, who says she was gripped by anxiety when the coronavirus started spreading a year ago. “I was very paralyzed from the fear that if I go outside, there’s the possibility I can get it.”
Laid off in midApril from her digital marketing job, Liu realized it took a pandemic and days spent at home for her to recognize her existing, unaddressed depression and for the first time find help through therapy and antidepressants — one pandemic silver lining.
Now, with coronavirus still lingering locally and globally, the push to reopen feels “pretty premature” and makes Liu more anxious, especially since she is not yet vaccinated.
San Francisco’s Lizzie Siegle, 25, can relate. After spending several pandemic months in the comfort of her family in San Mateo, she moved back to the city. She lives alone; and even running, one of her few outdoor activities, can bring stress as more people are out and about.
Parts of Siegle’s life feel as if they “have been put on hold.”
“I’m anxious because though I love the thought of things opening up and going back to normal, things are not yet normal even though some people act like they are,” she said. “I miss the old normal, but I’m very scared for the new variants.”
Dr. Elissa Epel, a professor and vice chair of the UCSF psychiatry department, foresees “a big readjustment to return to the pace of life before COVID.” “Many people have new habits that they have adjusted to, including sleep schedules, break times and wardrobe — like the pajama-bottom Zoom outfit,” Epel said.
Then there’s the social pressure of going back to “normal.”
Michael Waldman, 20, left his UCLA life when the pandemic hit and moved back in with his family in Alameda. He’s gotten used to the calm of walks and bike rides along the bay and spending time with his parents and brothers. He does miss his college freedom, but not some of the related student pressures.
“There’s a lot of pressure in the college environment to go crazy, to have a lot of fun, and with the pandemic it seems like there will be a lot of pressure to make up for lost time,” he said. “I really don’t miss the huge, claustrophobic big parties, where everyone is breathing on each other relentlessly. Those will freak me out.”
He can’t imagine resuming some of his prepandemic activities, like playing pickup basketball.
In addition to keeping people away from COVID-19 infection, stay-home orders also offered them permission to embrace more predictable routines from the comfort of their homes. Knowing that is about to change — and that you could now bear the burden of personal risk — can be scary, experts say.
“Feeling nervous about reentering society is normal,” said Dr. Mercedes Kwiatkowski, a psychiatrist at the Sutter Bay Medical Foundation. “We have convinced ourselves that what we’re doing is normal and it’s OK, which is a helpful coping mechanism. It makes sense now that as we’re thinking about transitioning back that we would feel nervous, apprehensive, uncertain.”
For Myra Levy, 62, who’s working from home as a senior accountant, “The concept of getting on public transit, going downtown, working in a highrise building seems unimaginable.”
She and her partner have been extremely careful throughout the pandemic, especially as her elderly mother lives downstairs. Levy said
she expects to “feel a difference” after her mother is vaccinated, but she worries about things opening up too quickly.
“I’m feeling that something like the life we used to live is going to be possible, getting together with people being less fearful everyday about normal activities.” Levy said. “I feel like that’s coming, but it’s not here yet for me.”
That attitude is understandable, and people should heed those internal concerns, said Kwiatkowski: “If it feels uncomfortable to be in a crowded space, or to go eat outdoors, maybe start small and do something that only feels mildly uncomfortable and see how that goes,”
Liu said she doesn’t see herself doing many activities for a while — returning to the office, hanging out with friends indoors or flying on an airplane, for instance.
“When I get vaccinated I’ll feel comfortable going out to eat, but I won’t feel comfortable about indoor dining and concerts for a while,” she said, or flying “until the CDC says it’s safe.”
Worried about coronavirus variants, Siegle said that even after she gets her vaccination, “I think it will be a gradual return.
“I’m also anxious about going back to socializing,” she said. “I’m afraid my social skills have deteriorated over the year.”