San Francisco Chronicle - (Sunday)
Books: Jenny True offers humor, hope in ‘Guide to New Parenthood’
In blunt, expletivefilled and often comedic prose, Jenny Pritchett’s new book, “You Look Tired: An Excruciatingly Honest Guide to New Parenthood,” doesn’t so much offer solutions as it does empathy.
The 44yearold mother of one is hesitant to consider herself a parenting advice columnist and author, although that’s technically her title. Instead, the Bayview resident, who writes under the name Jenny True, said her goal is simply to offer support to her readers.
A longtime editor and writer — with bylines at Guernica, Salon and Bitch — Pritchett took on her nom de plume when she began writing her parenting column in Romper, “Dear Jenny,” in 2018. As True, she’s taken on the task of answering questions from harried parents across the country, tackling issues such as addressing race with small children and the perils of potty training.
Now with “You Look Tired,” which covers topics like “Birth Hurts: Prenatal yoga is a waste of time” and “You Want to Have Sex with This?: Partners need to chill,” Pritchett fills the role of a hilarious friend with the mouth of a sailor.
The Chronicle recently spoke to Pritchett over video to learn how her book offers commiserations, not aspirations.
Q: What’s the difference between Jenny Pritchett and Jenny True?
A: When I first started writing, even though I am an extrovert and outgoing and I wouldn’t really count myself as shy, for the first time I was just writing ballsout about exactly how I felt and exactly what’s going on and not editing out the swear words. So I had a little bit of nervousness about using my real name.
I chose Jenny True because there is true — that’s a nice, neat word — but also, there is somebody in my ancestry who has that name. My greatgrandmother was Virginia True. Apparently, she also was known as Jenny True, so that fit neatly for me. And then it got popular and it stuck.
Q: There seems to be a constant evolution and growth of online platforms for parents to search and stress over, namely milestones and benchmarks by which we measure our children against someone else’s kid. Why do we do this to each other?
A: I blame U.S. culture. I don’t think it’s this way everywhere.
We are parenting in isolation, away from our families, outside of any kind of viable federal or state support system. It continues to be this patchwork. So on top of that, we have this internet culture where we’re just bombarded with these images of the perfect motherhood, which I think has given rise to “sanctimommies.”
But yeah, we have a very puritanical history imbued in
our blood. And it could come from just this deep anxiety that we are screwing up our kids, where it helps very much to look at the next person to criticize because that certainly puts us in an elevated position. Of course the problem with that is, it tears everyone down, including us and our own kids.
Q: How important is addressing mental health — in relatable, approachable ways — in parenting?
A: It is critical because, I mean, do you know any mom or new parent who’s doing great all the time?
I’m prone to anxiety. I had a really rough time with anxiety after my son was born. I’ve had two panic attacks before, and it leaves us with pharmaceuticals. Thank God for Lexapro. I’m so grateful, I wish I would have started 20 years ago.
And also while we’re talking, I bought a basket to put all my cannabis products. I am a f—ing convert, dude . ... I am late to the game where I’m like, “Have you heard of cannabis? It’s amazing.”’
But I don’t think I am unique. I think that my voice and my book are part of a cultural moment, even a trend, with pregnant people and new parents being completely honest about how they’re feeling.
Q: Do you think that humor is a way to get us to let down our guard around something so personal and, often, private?
A: I saw a meme go by on the internet today and it was something like, “Men choose higherpaying jobs such as doctor, lawyer, CEO. Women choose lowerpaying jobs such as female doctor, female lawyer, female CEO.” And I was like, I could do angry emoji or I could do laughing emoji. So I did laughing emoji.
I do think that once pregnant people, lactating people, new parents of all genders realized that we were all in the same boat and it is challenging for all of us, there is much more space to laugh. And I think that kind of laughter opens you up. It lets you have a breath. It just gives you some relief. You can’t be angry all the time.
Q: If someone is given this book for Mother’s Day or a baby shower, what’s the big nugget of wisdom you really hope resonates?
A: I hope that they feel seen. I hope that they laugh, but not so hard that they wake the baby up. And if I can make at least one person sob, that guttural postpartum sobbing, then I will have done my job.
I just want people to feel that they are not in this alone and that their experience is valid. I want people to feel seen and supported and validated. And I just want people to laugh.
Beth Spotswood is a Bay Area freelance writer.