With new year’s arrival, new batch of resolutions

Replace my current hood ornament with a shining chrome likeness of Buster Posey, in the squat.

Boycott every sponsor who places a commercial next to a free throw on NBA telecasts. Not only do I like watching free throws, but at some point, this stuff’s got to stop. Do I look like a multitasker?

Stay off the list of sports figures who died in 2022. Do whatever I can with my little newspaper soapbox to persuade the WNBA to drop an expansion franchise in Oakland. It’s not just that the city deserves a break from the sports gods, it’s also that the WNBA needs Oakland.

Put aside my journalistic objectivity and root for the NFL to win a lawsuit. Specifically, Jon Gruden’s suit against the league for selectively leaking his emails. Also, find a way to salute Gruden as the most corrosive sports person of 2021. Support the WTA, the only sports organization with the courage to stand up to China on the Peng Shuai situation. Can you imagine if the dozens of female gymnasts who testified against Larry Nassar suddenly disappeared? The WTA is the organizational equivalent of Tank Man (Google him, kids). Convince Billy Beane and David Forst to trade Matt Chapman and Matt Olson to the same team. Matt and Matt are baseball’s best twosome, especially on defense, an unbreakable pair.

Convince Beane and Forst to resign from the A’s, to stop lending a big-league veneer to a bush-league organization. Before Olson and Chapman are traded, make one more stab at giving them a nickname to honor their defensive exploits — The Unwelcome Matts.

Lose 20 pounds in January. Gain ’em all back in February, just to show my body who’s boss.

Collect the entire set of MLB 2022 baseballs.

As a former Angelino, give emotional support to the Los Angeles sports fans who are distraught at the name change, Staples Center becoming Crypto.com Arena. What a crushing blow.

Become more cautious with my social media, to avoid the embarrassment of pulling a John Lynch, whose Music City Mistweet got him in hot water with God.

Ask the Baseball Hall of Fame to either clarify its “character” requirement for potential enshrinees, or dump it.

Continue to pull for Tiger Woods to get back to an elite level of golf, then psychoanalyze myself to figure out why I’m doing that.

Plead with Aaron Rodgers to re-think his promise that he will make a quick decision on his future once this season ends. The drawnout melodrama of “What Will Aaron Do?” is all Green Bay folks have to carry them through the winter.

Help Rodgers, Kyrie Irving, Novak Djokovic and other vaccine resisters in sports with their research, by sending them info I have gathered on alternative COVID-fighters, such as bloodletting, leaches and voodoo curses.

Do some background checking on Warriors emergency sub Quinndary Weatherspoon, to see if he played his college ball at Hogwarts.

With great universities threatening to cut back on “minor” sports, launch a campaign to institute a spending limit on football. Cap the spending on assistant coaches and the paneling in the head coach’s office and you save enough to fund the rowing team.

Hang photos of Bill Belichick and Brian Kelly next to my bathroom mirror, to remind myself of how not to start each day.

On the other side of the mirror, hang photos of Dusty Baker and Steve Kerr.

Continue to see “King Richard,” the movie about Richard Williams and daughters Serena and Venus.

The film takes several detours from the actual life story. People who watch biopics assume everything is true, and when it isn’t, that messes with reality and history. It’s a pretty good story anyway. A Black man with zero connections raises two phenomenal tennis greats in Compton. You need to embellish that?

Give “Ted Lasso” another chance. After three episodes, I’m not completely roped in.

Not let up until MLB brings in robo umps to call balls and strikes. Human umps were fine in the old days. So were phone booths and stagecoaches.

Give a nod to Bay Area coaches/managers like Gabe Kapler, Kerr, Kyle Shanahan

(most of the time) and Tara VanDerveer, who make their teams and their sports more fun and accessible to fans by making an effort to connect via the media.

You, too, Bob Melvin,

wherever you are.

Thank the readers of this column, and this newspaper, for their loyalty and their marvelous taste in literature and journalism.