Reunion invite stirs up memories of bullying

Dear Abby: I received a Facebook in itation to m 35th high school reunion. I was bullied constantl in ever grade. I had no friends in m class, and the memories I ha e are not pleasant. I composed a letter e pressing the hope that the attendees enjo reminiscing, and then added that I have no desire to see an of them again. In the letter, I called out b name se eral former classmates with specifics on their bull ing and cruel treatment.

I told those who were the “nice kids” I felt invisible and like a nonentity . I ended the letter sa ing that I ha e a good life, and as an adult one would think the past would be the past. But that in itation triggered all the rejection and pain, which had lasted for ears. I wrote that if an of them are parents, I hope the taught their kids and grandkids to do better.

Bull ing has long-lasting consequences, and that pain ne er reall goes awa . I shared m letter with a friend who suggested I send it in Facebook Messenger to the organizer. I’m afraid to do it. I thought sharing it with m friend would be cathartic. I don’t know what good it would do to share it with m former classmates. The didn’t care then, so wh would it matter now? What do ou think? — Invisible in the West

Dear Invisible: Feeling as ou do, I think ou should show up at the reunion with a friend, if ou can stomach it, and deli er that message in person. Whether our former classmates care or not, the should know that ha ing been bullied and e cluded carried lifelong consequences for their target. Some of them ma e en offer ou an apolog — 40 ears late — now that the ha e matured.

Dear Abby: I’m a single mother of a 2- ear-old girl whose father has been absent for most of her life. He comes and goes. He’s in a much better place financiall now than he was before, and he wants to be a part of her life. He was verbally abusive and, on one occasion, physically abused me. M siblings and I grew up without a father, and it upsets me that m daughter must e perience the same.

My ex say's he’s grown up a lot being awa from her and say's he’s willing to make it work for her sake. I’m unsure since he’s broken so man promises, but I want m daughter to grow up with her dad in the picture. M famil , who I li e with, knows the hell I went through when I was with him.

The are against him being around, so now I feel like I ha e to sneak around when he wants to see her. Deep down I want him in her life but, on the other hand, m famil ’s opinion matters to me since the stepped up when he chose to step down. Ad ice?

— Torn Mom in California

Dear Mom: That our e has matured enough that he now wants to be a part of his daughter’s life is laudable.

But allow it onl if he’s willing to get counseling for his anger problem. If he does that, it will then be time for ou to find the courage to quit sneaking around, inform our famil ou want our daughter to know her father and proceed from there, hoping he won’t flake out again.