San Francisco Chronicle - (Sunday)
What should replace ‘Rooted in Oakland’?
The Oakland Athletics’ “Rooted in Oakland since ’68” signs are about to get uprooted.
That’s one small ray of sunshine the A’s will provide for the good folks of Oakland and the Bay Area.
About a zillion cars zip or crawl past the Oakland Coliseum every day on Interstate 880, and everyone in every car and truck is exposed to an obscene sign, the huge “Rooted in Oakland since ’68” painted on the west wall of the ancient Coliseum.
That sign is an artifact of an ad campaign launched by the A’s in March 2017. The official MLB announcement of that campaign should have been a tip-off of bad things to come.
Per MLB.com, “The Oakland Athletics and their advertising agency, Hub Strategy & Communications of San Francisco, today launched a new advertising campaign called ‘Rooted in Oakland,’ which emphasizes the club’s commitment to building a ballpark in its longtime home city.”
Why would a team rooted in Oakland hire an ad agency rooted in a rival crossbay city? Doesn’t Oakland have an ad agency? (I checked. Oakland does. Several!)
Even back then, most folks saw the slogan for what it was: An attempt to distract fans from the obvious, that the A’s are rooted in one place: Team owner John Fisher’s wallet.
The slogan became more laughable when the A’s went all do-or-die on a preposterous ballpark village development at Howard Terminal and then, when the obvious roadblocks arose, the A’s launched their “parallel paths” campaign. Everyone knows that if you walk on parallel paths, you pull a groin.
One might have thought the A’s would have taken down the sign last April 19, when team president Dave Kaval phoned Oakland Mayor Sheng Thao and said, “Heads up, we have a land deal in Las Vegas.”
It’s possible that the A’s simply didn’t think of taking down their embarrassing sign because Fisher and Kaval don’t spend much time in Oakland, so they forgot the sign was there. They forgot the Coliseum was there.
In the wake of the team’s more formalized announcement of the plan to move to Las Vegas, a move given unanimous approval by the 30 MLB team owners exactly one week before Thanksgiving, the gigantic sign at the Coliseum became an even more colossal monument to greed, gullibility, disloyalty and double-dealing.
And yet there it is, in brilliant A’s colors, gleaming in the sunshine and moonlight, unfaded by the combined glares of jilted A’s fans and ripped-off Oakland citizens.
Last week I reached out to the A’s, asking if they had any plans to take down the sign, since, “in light of events, that sign seems awkward and embarrassing
for all parties.”
An A’s spokesperson responded via email.
“We agree. We plan to remove it before the start of the season.”
The season starts in April. That gives the A’s four months to paint over the sign or tear it down. It shouldn’t take four months, unless they hire a removal crew from San Francisco that will have to negotiate Bay Bridge traffic.
This column does not encourage illegal graffiti, but I believe I could get that sign painted over by tomorrow, for free, by Oakland taggers, who work pro bono. For a hamburger and fries, those talented artists would clear up the problem while the rest of us are sleeping.
Repainting the sign, simply altering it, might be the way to go. Change it to read something like:
• “Uprooted in Oakland.”
• “Scooted from Oakland,” with giant cartoon likenesses of Fisher and Kaval.
• “Rooted in Oakland since never.”
• “Rooted in sand.”
• Or, if the town launches legal action against the A’s: “Law-suited in Oakland.”
If the A’s drag their feet on the sign removal, I plan to enlist the Rolling Stones’ assistance. The Stones apparently like the Coliseum, having played there at least three times (1969, ’78 and ’97). The Stones are touring America next year. One of their stops will be Las Vegas (rumor: Their opening act there will be Fisher and Kaval performing “Who’s on First?”)
Taylor Swift got a huge positive response at a recent concert when she sang new lyrics to one of her hit songs, an homage to her boyfriend Travis Kelce. I would prevail on Mick Jagger to do something similar, switch in new lyrics to the Stones’ classic “Paint It Black.”
I see the A’s sign and I want it painted black, John Fisher’s fleeing town and leaving us with jack.
The folks on the Chronicle sports desk had some thoughts. One question was whether the A’s could send the sign to a third-world country, to the same places all the unused T-shirts and championship paraphernalia from teams that fail to win the title turn up.
Another suggested that Fisher could monetize the sign, selling it as a piece of art to the Honduran drug dealers who collect Bay Area sports memorabilia. Another suggestion was that Fisher could trade the sign to the Mets for a (nother) pitcher who can’t get his career ERA below 7.00.
Send your suggestions here, win big prizes.
Sing us out, Mick.
No more will my green ballcap Perch upon my dome. Please take your stupid sign And leave us all alone.