Heed party rules if you accept invitation

Dear Abby: My husband and I were invited to a dinner party at a couple’s home. We accepted the invitation with pleasure, only to be told afterward that it was a potluck.

My husband and I were raised never to go to someone’s home emptyhanded, so we were happy to bring a dish to contribute. When I called the hostess to ask if we could bring dessert or an appetizer, she informed me that the menu had been planned and we were assigned a side dish neither of us had ever heard of. She told me she would e-mail me the recipe.

Abby, I was shocked and, frankly, offended. I would never tell a guest what to bring and what recipe to follow. When my husband told me he was willing to give the dish a try, I told him I would not attend a dinner party where I was commanded to bring a specific dish.

My husband stayed home with me that evening, but says he can’t understand what the big deal was. Was I wrong to refuse to participate? Or should I have gone along with the program and kept my mouth shut?

Lost My Appetite

Dear Lost: Having accepted the invitation, you should have gone to the dinner, taken the side dish and made the best of it. You may have missed out

on a memorable evening. Dear Abby: I was in a passionate relationship for three years with my first real boyfriend. We were very young and desperately in love. I adored him completely, without hesitation. Then we had some irreconcilable differences and parted.

I went though a period of self-reflection and didn’t date for almost four years. Then I met someone special, “Zack.” We have been seeing each other for five years now, and our relationship is solid. It’s wonderful in every aspect — except that I am not in love with him.

We plan to be married in six months. I’m not sure if it’s the right thing to do though. I have hesitated for years despite pressure from my family.

Zack knows that I love him but am not “in love” with him, but he still wants to marry me. Is it wrong to marry your best friend?

Unsure in California Dear Unsure: No, it’s not wrong to marry your best friend. But because you have reservations about marrying Zack, you should be honest and break the engagement.