SPEAKING OF ... FALL FASHION DON’TS

Definite don’ts (just because I said so):

If the item has been knocked off, you don’t want the knockoff and you don’t even want the original.

Shepherdess Marie Antoinette may have gamboled in lace, ribbons and yards of skin, but how will you induce a gasp at the Christmas party if you preview your decolletage in the office?

Speaking of sheep, it is only they who find Uggs hot. Even Birkenstocks are sexier.

Stay away from anything that makes such a loud fashion statement that passers-by tell it to shut up.

Put into storage the super-tight, stretchy and sequined; maybe you’ll medal in the next Olympics.

Many folks may not know the difference between spit and Shinola, but don’t go out without polishing your Manolos.

We live in a temperate climate, and even Jane Fonda has abandoned legwarmers.

The only adults who should wear hats with animal ears are fans of the panda.

If you just had a little parking mishap and you’ve got an immediate date with a prospective buyer of your forest green car, you may be glad you’ve been schlepping around your forest green nail polish. But most of the time, carry a handbag rather than a tote the size of a Saint Bernard.

It’s surprisingly inexpensive? Consider whether it is (A) manufactured by workers whose yearly earnings wouldn’t buy a bag of Kettle chips; (B) made out of a dog.