Plus-size daughter should respect wish
Dear Abby: I’m a 24-year-old plus-size woman (60 or 70 pounds overweight), but very comfortable in my own skin. When swimming in public, I wear a one-piece bathing suit because it doesn’t attract a lot of attention. When I go back to see my family and swim, I wear a bikini top and black shorts. Recently, my mother said, “When the family comes over, you can’t wear that. It makes people uncomfortable.”
I was shocked, and we had a huge argument. Only Mom has a problem with my attire. Am I wrong for wanting to be comfortable in my childhood home? Mom should be proud to have a daughter who accepts herself as she is.
Offended Daughter in Chicago
Dear Offended Daughter: You are not wrong for wanting to be comfortable. But when you visit someone else’s home, that person’s wishes take precedence
— even if it used to be your childhood home.
While you say you are comfortable in your own skin, it would be interesting to know what your physician thinks about your obesity. I suspect that your mother would be prouder of you if you were less complacent and more willing to do something about your weight problem.
Dear Abby: I am the mother of three beautiful daughters. I married at age 19, 11 years ago. My husband is 18 years older.
The first five years of marriage, when I fully depended on him, he was arrogant, violent and unfaithful. I vowed to work hard and, once I was independent, I would leave. Now I have a job — but my kids love him, and I know they will be hurt.
My husband is jobless now. He tells me he supported me when I was jobless, so it’s my
turn to take care of him. I stay because I feel guilty. Should I forgive him, and if so, how?
Bitter in Nairobi
Dear Bitter: If you truly want to forgive your husband for the physical and emotional abuse you suffered, a place to start would be to talk with your spiritual adviser.
You didn’t mention whether your husband is trying to find another job, if there is a valid reason he can’t work, or if he’s still unfaithful. If it’s the latter, then in my opinion, you “owe” him the same amount of financial support that he gave you and nothing more. But because I am not familiar with the marriage laws in Kenya, you should discuss this with a lawyer.