Accentuate the negative
A reader wrote to suggest that I tend to be too negative. My first reaction was, “What an idiot!”
But upon further review — as the football refs say incorrectly (there is only one review, so you don’t need the word “further” — or is it “farther”?), what if this reader is right?
Just in case, this is a good time to rid the notebook of negative stuff, to prepare for a fresh and positive start to 2015!
In that spirit, presenting a few awards for the quickly departing 2014:
So Not Coach of the Year: Jim Harbaugh. It seemed like a progressive and free-thinking innovation, but in retrospect, having the players eat a huge turkey dinner and watch “Happy Days” reruns at every halftime is not the kind of tactic that gives your team an edge in the second half.
Party Pooper of the Year: The
SFPD, for refusing to let Madi--
son Bumgarner ride a police horse in the Giants’ victory parade. Some ranking officer decided MadBum might get hurt. Come on, when it comes to riding horses, Russell Baze can’t carry Bumgarner’s jock. Worst Managerial Move:
Bruce Bochy, for not starting Bumgarner in every World Series game. The Giants’ coulda won in four.
Lucy Jerking Away the Football Award: Billy Beane. The A’s general manager spent the last couple months of 2014 tearing apart the old A’s and building a strong, interesting, lovable, cohesive, winning team that he can start breaking up next week.
Brown Thumb Award: To the grass experts at Levi’s Stadium. What kind of toxic soil was that stadium built on, anyway? Was this a nuclear waste dump? We can grow grass on the moon but not in Santa Clara? (Desk, please double- check that moon fact;
pretty sure Neil Armstrong played the front 9 at Sea of Tranquility.)
Bold Social Experiment Award: Dennis Allen, the now-forgotten Raiders’ coach, who proved that a coach can indeed improve his team by devoting much of his energy to limiting the access of the media. Allen was fired with the team 0-4, but it was a robust 0-4. Ingrate of the Year: Pablo Whatshisname. You know, the Kung Fu Tree Sloth. Most Inspirational Playa:
Donald Sterling. The Warriors were fired up and ready to upset the Clippers in the first round of the playoffs, until the clever and devious Sterling concocted a plan to inflame the passion of his players and goose the market value of the franchise. Brilliant, brilliant scheme.