Husband rifles through my things

Dear Abby: I recently got married. My husband goes through my purse, my papers, my clothes — even my underwear. He says that as my husband he has the right to do that and I am wrong to object. I feel I have a right to be respected. How would you react?

Confused Jane in the South

Dear Confused Jane: I would react by calmly asking my husband why he thought it was necessary to invade my privacy and if he thought I was unfaithful, and I’d tell him I regarded it as a threat to the marriage. I’m sure he would react the same way if you searched through his belongings. What he is doing is a red flag. It’s an indication that he’s insecure and controlling, and spouses who behave that way have been known to escalate to domestic violence. Marriage counseling now might head it off. But if it doesn’t, you would be wise to consider ending the marriage before there are children involved.

Dear Abby: I was married to an incredible man for 32 years. He was quite a bit older and died a few months ago. Along with a wonderful marriage, I also enjoyed the gracious family I married into: stepchildren, step-grandchildren and step-greats. Although we rarely use the word “step,” everyone always understood how I was related to them. My question is, now that my husband is gone, am I still their stepwhatever, or did I lose that when my husband died?

Step-Whatever in Kansas

Dear Step-Whatever: Because you and the family are close, don’t worry. I’m sure you will always be family to them. It’s only when relationships are strained that problems like the one you’re concerned about arise.

Dear Abby: I recently came across a pile of pictures of my ex-girlfriend and me. Our relationship ended 10 years ago. She’s married and lives in another state. Part of me says it’s time to get rid of them, but the other part of me wants to keep them, as they represent a happy time in my life and what I looked like back then. These images still bring out strong emotions and memories even after all this time. What do you suggest?

Photo Finished?

Dear Photo: If the memories and emotions are pleasant ones, hang onto the photos as souvenirs of happy times gone by. If you’re unable to do that, destroy them because time has marched on, and so has she.