Racial slur in earshot of 4-year-old

Dear Abby: I was at my brother-in-law’s house with my husband and our 4-yearold daughter. We were playing our weekly video game, and when my brother-in-law won a round, he shouted a racial epithet. I asked him not to use it in front of my little girl because if she repeats it at school, she could be suspended, and we don’t use that kind of language in our family.

Now he claims I “disrespected him” and I should apologize to him because it was his house and he can say what he wants. He doesn’t have children of his own. Who is right here? Is it OK to say whatever you want because it’s your house, or is it better to use some censorship when there are children around?

Wondering in Wyoming Dear Wondering: You did the right thing. Your brotherin-law should watch his mouth when your daughter is present.

Because he’s unwilling to do that, limit her exposure to him. And if she hears him do it again, make sure to explain to her that the expression is one you do not want her to ever repeat. Dear Abby: I am a 24-yearold waitress who needs advice on how to handle older men when they continually flirt, touch and even ask for hugs while I’m serving them dinner. I work in an upscale dinner house.

I feel sorry for their embarrassed wives and girlfriends who witness this disgusting behavior. Waitresses have to put up with this kind of thing for tips. Is there anything I can do to prevent it and still receive a reasonable tip for good service?

Sick and Tired in California Dear Sick and Tired: Yes. Keep your sense of humor. Smile a lot, laugh when appropriate and stand out of reach. Most of these men are harmless. They are trying to be friendly. Those who you find overtly offensive, you should turn over to another server.

If the requests for hugs continue, talk to your manager for guidance in handling them.

To my Jewish readers: Sundown starts Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year. This is the beginning of our time of solemn introspection. “Leshana tova tikatevu” — may each of us be inscribed in the Book of Life and enjoy another good year.