No time to see 6 films? No problem
To prepare yourself for the latest “Star Wars” installment, you might want to see all six previous films. But why be reckless? Just read the following summaries, and you’ll be good:
Star Wars: Episode I — The Phantom Menace: Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn and his young assistant, Obi-Wan Kenobi, are traveling with the Naboo Queen Amidala, most noted for her weird way of applying lipstick. They arrive on a desert planet, where they meet a 9-year-old slave boy, Anakin Skywalker. Qui-Gon senses the force within Anakin and resolves to train him as a Jedi Knight, even after the Jedi Council expresses misgivings. During one of the periodic wars prevalent in this part of the galaxy, Qui-Gon dies, but not before extracting a promise from Obi-Wan to train Anakin as a Jedi. Everybody seems to know this really isn’t a good idea.
Star Wars: Episode II — Attack of the Clones: Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin are charged with protecting Queen Amidala, following an attempt on her life. She and Anakin fall in love. On a remote planet, Obi-Wan discovers that the Republic is producing lots of clones, every one of which has to be killed, which will take some time. Meanwhile, Anakin discovers that his mother has been murdered, which does nothing for his personality. In what will become a life pattern, he goes on a murderous rampage. Anakin loses his arm in a subsequent battle, but he is fitted with a robotic arm and marries Amidala on Naboo, which is sort of like getting married in Vegas, only different.
Star Wars: Episode III — Revenge of the Sith: In between the usual battles, Anakin is tormented by premonitions that his pregnant wife will die in childbirth. To gain power over death, he goes over to the dark side and swears allegiance to the evil Palpatine, who gives him the name Darth Vader. (This title has more of the ring of authority than, say, Nice Fella.) In a fight with Obi-Wan, Vader is dismembered and then burned, but Palpatine rescues him and fits him with a robotic body and a fetching black helmet. Meanwhile, the estranged Mrs. Vader gives birth to fraternal twins and dies.
Star Wars: Episode V — The Empire Strikes Back: The rebels are in retreat from the Empire, which is striking back. Han and Leia’s verbal sniping transforms into a romantic connection. Luke takes instruction from Yoda and later gets into a light-saber battle with Darth Vader, who cuts off Luke’s hand, thus making him a chip off the old block. That disturbing fact Luke realizes only moments later, when Vader reveals that he is Luke’s father. Despite these paternal inducements, Luke resists going over to the dark side and later is fitted with a robotic hand. No one knows what will happen next.
Star Wars: Episode IV — A New Hope: Luke discovers a recording from Princess Leia, leader of the rebel forces, and teams up with Obi-Wan Kenobi, who, in old age, has fallen on hard times. (He has, however, developed a lovely speaking voice.) The two, in turn, join Leia and enlist the help of the rakish Han Solo, and the three do battle against the Death Star. Obi-Wan is killed by Darth Vader, which only seems fair when you consider what Obi-Wan did to the poor man in Episode III. Luke, using the Force, and with some supernatural help from ObiWan, destroys the Death Star, and everyone is so happy you’d never know they even needed a sequel.
Star Wars: Episode VI — Return of the Jedi: After much effort, Han Solo is rescued from the clutches of Jabba the Hutt, a very fat thing. Yoda, close to death, tells Luke that Leia is his sister, so it’s very good those two never got involved. While trying to attack the new Death Star, the newly minted brother-sister team is captured by the Empire forces. Vader tries, once again, to enlist Luke into darkness, and in the ensuing light-saber battle, Vader’s prosthetic hand is cut off. This kind of thing happens a lot in that family. But when the Emperor tries to kill Luke, Vader’s last shred of conscience kicks in, and he kills the emperor and saves Luke. Luke pulls Vader’s helmet off, and the old man dies. At this point, he looks nothing like Hayden Christensen. The rebels celebrate their victory.