Give your sweetheart the gift of presence
It’s Feb. 11 and in a few days you’ll likely be sitting at a romantic dinner with your sweetheart. You’ll be in your best evening wear and sharing a nice meal together. You’ll give flowers, and get a card and kiss and the two of you will exchange a few words about how thankful you are to be together. It’ll all get posted on Facebook, making a public show of your shared love via your handy- dandy, state- oftheart smartphone. You seem connected.
This Valentine’s Day, think about how you can really connect with your loved one. Instead of spending money on jewelry or chocolates, give the gift of presence.
All too often, we forget the importance of staying in the moment, of looking up from our phones, and of really listening with our fullest attention to the ones we love. Being truly present is the biggest and best gift you can give.
So this Valentine’s Day, remember how to really be there, with no Wi- Fi attached.
1. Put your phone or device away. Yes, I know it’s hard. It almost feels like an extension of your body but this is a requirement before you can look up and see who you’re sitting across the table from. Put it away and move on to tip No. 2.
2. Feel your body. I don’t mean to literally touch your leg or arm, but follow your breath while you listen to a loved one, notice your breath, your mood, your energy. If you go on a date with your significant other or a new interest, feel your feet on the floor and your clothes against your skin while you listen. This will help you stop wondering what he or she thinks of you and help quell distracting thoughts about the bad food, the bad company ( if the date isn’t going well), or even the urge to pull your phone out and post about the experience.
3. Use a mantra. A sacred word or phrase can help keep you focused on the present and the person at hand. Referring to your partner, try phrases like “X needs me to listen to him/ her,” or “X is everything to me.”
4. Practice selflessness. Don’t focus on your own agenda or intent. Rather, try to focus on the other person by listening to what he or she is saying, truly hearing what it is your loved one is sharing with you.
5. Remember what truly matters. This special occasion is one of many opportunities you have to show your loved one you care. It’s the moment,
the day ( albeit commercially derived), to reiterate your feelings toward your one and only. Challenge yourself to be more compassionate, empathetic, loving, kind, gracious and caring. Think of how someone who values these traits would behave in the moment.
Some of you may be rolling your eyes, thinking these tips are hokey and straight out of the self- help section of your local library. But, at the end of the day, all the dead flowers, half- eaten chocolates and cards will be tossed out with the rest of the trash. What you and your loved one will be left with are the memories of that day, that moment, that chance you had to look up and be there. If you miss it, you might regret it.