For $495, better play ‘both sides of ball’

Pounding the sports beat in my $450 sneakers (senior-citizen discount) ...

Rules: If you saunter into a pool hall with your cue stick in a mahogany case, you better be able to use it . ... If you show up for a playground hoops run rocking $495 sneakers, you better have some game.

Do you like my Lonzo sneaks? Genuine unicorn hide, stitched by Santa’s elves. Hear my trash talk through the four megabass woofers in each shoe.

My favorite new feature at the A’s ballpark is the “Holy Toledo” sign in center field, homage to Bill King. The sign lights up at appropriate moments, but how does it know?

The Giants need to install their own light-up sign. It will

say “Toledo.” The Raiders, for their lightup sign at the Coliseum, will go with “Viva Las Vegas!”

Adding to the list of TV commentators’ annoying expressions, reader Bob Prentice nominates Mark Jackson for “on both sides of the basketball.” Prentice wonders, “Do you suppose he means ‘Spalding’ and ‘Inflate here,’ or might it have deeper meaning?”

I’m disappointed that Bob didn’t use “Moisten needle before inserting.”

Reader Elaine Molinari’s favorite postgame question from sideline reporters: “How important was ...” Some coach or player is going to answer, “Six.”

I call it the eight-second rule. NBA refs apparently are required to stand next to a coach during a stop in play and listen to the coach’s guff for eight seconds, before nodding slightly and trotting away. The TV people should mike those conversations.

Memo to Draymond Green: Twice this season you’ve expressed surprise at getting a technical after walking away from the ref and returning to the bench. Maybe the takeaway should be that you can get a technical after walking away from the ref and returning to the bench.

Another Bobby Evans roster-building gaffe: No backup bus mechanic to Madison Bumgarner.

Cold world: As the stranded Giants sat on the shoulder of the road in Cincinnati waiting for another bus, Billy Hamilton sprinted past them.