Ex-boyfriend’s clothes may not be perfect fit
Dear Miss Manners: My boyfriend and I are quickly approaching our first anniversary and made a trip to look at engagement rings. I still have a couple of trinkets at home from a previous relationship: a pair of silver earrings I received as a birthday gift from an ex-boyfriend, and a pair of sweatpants taken from the same ex-boyfriend’s closet.
I still wear the earrings and occasionally curl up in the comfy sweatpants. Is it wrong to keep them? Should I tell my boyfriend where I received them? Gentle Reader: Are you prepared for his response?
Miss Manners would have been inclined to allow you to keep the earrings and not mention from whom they came (or say “an old friend gave them to me,” which is perfectly true). But your intimate description of the sweatpants (from the same person, no less) is making her question your loyalties — and she fears that your beau would too.
It would seem easier all around to give or put away gifts from an old boyfriend if he truly means nothing to you now. If your future fiance won’t allow you to wear his sweatpants, presumably it would still be preferable to keep the man who is still in them. Dear Miss Manners: How does one respond to a co-worker who brags about getting a trust fund check every quarter? With the latest, she has mentioned to me (twice) everything that she has bought with it, or that she paid off. I just sit and nod my head. Gentle Reader: Unfortunately, that is about all one can politely do. Miss Manners suggests you change the subject by mentioning local charities you know that are looking for funding — as long as you refrain from adding that you might be among them. Dear Miss Manners: When you have plans with someone, and they call to cancel, what is a proper way to respond instead of saying, “Oh, that’s OK”? The world seems to take advantage of those of us who remain flexible. Gentle Reader: You are saying more or less the right thing, but apparently you are saying it too convincingly. How you should say it depends on the seriousness of the excuse offered.
If the person is calling from a hospital bed, it would be, “My goodness, I understand, I hope you’ll be all right.” If no excuse, or a flimsy one, is offered, Miss Manners recommends saying, “Quite all right” with a pause between each word, and cutting off further explanations. Dear Miss Manners: I have a co-worker who sits across from me and constantly expresses her frustrations by mumbling under her breath and rolling her eyes. She isn’t doing it directly toward me, but she does it very audibly.
Is there any way for me to say something like, “Hey, your mumbling and talking under your breath isn’t very productive and causes stress. Can you keep it under control?” Should I just ignore it? Gentle Reader: It would be better to ignore it than to relate it either to productivity or to stress, Miss Manners warns you.
The former will invite questions of how productive is the behavior that annoyed your colleague. The latter will turn the discussion to medicine and psychology, both areas in which the co-worker may find justifications for her impolite behavior.
You need not, however, do either. Simply asking your coworker if she has something to say to the group will make it clear to her that her behavior has been noticed.