Hearing loss takes toll on marriage
Dear Abby: I have hearing loss. My insurance isn’t very good, and the monthly payments for hearing aids are the equivalent of a car payment, so I try my best and do without. People who know about my hearing loss will talk louder for me. Even strangers will repeat themselves or talk louder if I say I’m hard of hearing. The problem is that my husband refuses to talk louder for me or make any attempt to improve our communication. No matter how many times I say I can’t hear, he practically whispers or will scream at the top of his lungs at me to make a point. It’s like he’s taking my hearing loss personally. I also feel he may have an ulterior motive for talking softer. I feel depressed and isolated. My marriage is falling apart.
I Can’t Hear You in California Dear Can’t Hear: Of course you feel depressed and isolated! Your husband either doesn’t like or hasn’t accepted the fact that you have a hearing disability, so he’s punishing you for it. What he’s doing is emotionally abusive. Please have your hearing checked by an audiologist to determine how much of your hearing you have lost. Take your husband along so a professional can explain it to him. And be sure to ask if there may be lowercost options for an assistive device. Dear Abby: When I was 17, I was engaged to a serviceman. I broke the engagement because my mother disapproved. I was young, naive, and had no job or money. Big mistake! I have paid for it for more than 50 years. I have raised a family, but my heart is still with my young military man. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking of him. I still cry and feel I can hardly breathe sometimes. I don’t want to risk disturbing two families by contacting him in another state to apologize.
Seeking Closure in the South Dear Seeking Closure: There is no magic wand I can wave to make those feelings go away. I can, however, point out that your memories of that young man are from the perspective of a 17-year-old girl with little life experience. The life (and person) you have idealized may be far from reality. Because these thoughts have become obsessive, it would benefit you to talk them through with a licensed mental health professional. Please don’t put it off any longer — it’s clear from what you have written that you are hurting.