The paradoxes of cognitive dissonance

In the classic study on cognitive dissonance by social psychologist Leon Festinger, subjects were split into two groups that had to perform monotonous tasks for a long stretch of time — placing 12 spoons into a tray, emptying and then refilling, or turning square pegs a quarter-turn again and again. The subjects were then offered $1 or $20 to brief the other group about the experiment and were instructed to describe the experiment as enjoyable, exciting, fun, interesting and intriguing.

The briefers who received a dollar were more likely to report the tasks were interesting and enjoyable, that they learned a great deal, that results had scientific value and that they would participate in a similar experiment. By contrast, those who were paid $20 couldn’t convince themselves to the same degree.

The results elegantly illustrate the discomfort of having two conflicting beliefs. If you do or say something publicly that is contrary to what you feel privately, you’ll change your opinion to bring it in line. You don’t want to feel like a sucker, and so you have to persuade yourself to be satisfied, to affirm your worth, to hold it all together.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about cognitive dissonance and how it pertains to victims of sexual harassment or assault. In the cases that keep coming out in the news, some victims have remained in touch with the perpetrators, at times as a way to lessen the depravity of what happened.

When Debbie Wesson Gibson was 17, she dated Roy Moore, Alabama’s Republican nominee for U.S. Senate. Over the years, she exchanged Christmas cards with him and considered the memories a “badge of honor” until she began hearing the stories of other teenagers in the past whom he pursued.

Likewise, many who voted for Donald Trump still back him, even though he espouses policies harmful to them. The tax bill making its way through Congress will line the pockets of corporations and the very wealthy at the expense of everyone else, and the Senate version would add $1 trillion to the federal budget deficit.

Although the president’s supporters hoped for the equivalent of a $20 bill, they got a dollar instead, and now they’re justifying why they voted for him in the first place — by pledging to vote for him again in 2020.

After reading two new studies, I’ve also been thinking about how cognitive dissonance also plays a role in parental satisfaction. A new study at the University of Waterloo examined the relationship between parental joy and the economic hardship of child-rearing.

Researchers recruited fathers and mothers with children under 18 and divided them into two groups. Half read a government document that estimated the cost of raising a child to 18 exceeded $190,000, while the other half, in addition to that information, also read about how adult children can provide financial and practical support to aging parents.

Parents were also asked about their enjoyment of various activities, such as spending time with their children, their hobbies and how much leisure time they would devote to their child.

Those who were primed to focus on the cost of parenting were much more likely to say they enjoyed spending time with their children and planned to spend more leisure time with them. In other words, if parents aren’t in it for the money, we had better find it emotionally rewarding.

As my father used to point out, outfitting braces on me and my brother cost as a much as a trip to Europe. He didn’t begrudge our orthodontia, but he wanted us to understand the value of the money and for us to understand what he and my mother had given up for us.

Another study by psychologists at the University of British Columbia, UC Riverside and Stanford University found that parents report greater levels of happiness and meaning from life than nonparents, particularly if they are older, and if they are married. Such findings didn’t hold true for single parents or very young parents.

Fathers expressed greater levels of happiness and meaning in life than their childless peers, more so than mothers, whose pleasures may be offset by the surge in responsibility and housework. Indeed, changing diapers, packing school lunches and driving kids to school reminds me of the repetitive, boring tasks in Festinger’s experiment.

All of which seems salient somehow as many families head into winter break in a couple of weeks. The initial excitement of all that time together — at parties, on trips to the snow, Christmas morning, lighting candles for Hanukkah and Kwanzaa and counting down to New Year’s Eve — eventually gives way to cabin fever, to weariness and the wish to return to routines.

Back to school and work, and back to cognitive dissonance, and back to the paradoxes that our minds enable.