E-cards may be annoying, but rude replies are worse

Dear Miss Manners: I love to send out Christmas cards, greetings and an annual holiday letter to about 150 people. I do so at a great investment of time, finances and commitment, but I enjoy sending holiday greetings in the joy of the season.

This year, for some reason, I received a large increase in the number of electronic Christmas cards and electronic Christmas letters, which I do not appreciate or welcome. I choose not to respond in any way to these electronic greetings and cards.

Had I shared my real response and feelings, it would not have added to the joy of the season. How would you suggest one respond to such electronic Christmas cards and letters?

Gentle Reader: “For some reason”?

The reason is that technology has made it infinitely simpler to address people electronically than by hand and regular mail. The content, which you characterize as spreading joy, remains the same. And many paper Christmas cards contain a mere signature, which is sometimes even printed.

This does not merit an unpleasant response. You are free to reply using actual cards, or to ignore the exchange and let it drop.

That said, Miss Manners actually shares your annoyance. To her, it is the time and computer space occupied by receiving such greetings because they often have animated features. But she is willing to concede that this is a prejudice, and would not hold it against the senders.

Dear Miss Manners: My mom’s family likes to invite exes to family events and then act innocent, saying they don’t understand why their relatives get upset. This has been going on for 20-plus years.

I have made the decision that I don’t socialize with my mom’s family at all, because I never know who will be in attendance. My ex-husband is invited for Christmas. My dad, whom I haven’t seen in about 10 years, was invited to my mom’s family reunion despite the fact that they have been divorced for 40 years (and by the way, he never went to her reunions when they were married). He even brought his wife.

I understand when there is a wedding or funeral, but for holiday events, it seems crazy. I have decided not to associate with any of my mom’s family, and do not regret my decision. I just want them to stop involving my adult kids into trying to guilt me into attending family events.

My daughter is pregnant, and that side of the family is going to have a baby shower for her that I don’t want to attend. She will also have a baby shower thrown by her sister, which I don’t want that part of my family to attend.

Please tell me what to say or do to make this stop. If these people weren’t related, I would never spend any time with them because I feel that they are bad influences on myself and my kids.

Gentle Reader: Without defending your relatives’ behavior, you must continue to minimize their opportunities to amuse themselves at your expense. If you find yourself at events with already-blacklisted relatives, Miss Manners agrees that expanding the list to include inconsiderate hosts may be all that remains. Comments sent through your children can be ignored.

Send questions to Miss Manners’ website: www.missmanners.com; to her email address: dearmiss manners@gmail.com; or through postal mail: Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.