If asked to edit for content, don’t hold back on grammar

Dear Miss Manners: Sometimes at work, colleagues will ask me to review an important document they have written. They are seeking my input on the content, not the grammar, but I often find grammatical errors. I’m no expert, but I do have a background in journalism and have been trained to find grammatical mistakes. If the error is glaring, such as accidentally omitting a word, I will point it out. But if the error is small, or one that few people would even recognize as a mistake, I don’t mention it. After all, I don’t want to be that obnoxious, nitpicking co-worker.

Nonetheless, I wonder if it would be better to make the corrections to help my colleagues, even though I may come off as intolerable.

Gentle Reader: “Nitpicking” has gotten a bad name. Like the word “literal,” people have grown so accustomed to using it figuratively that they have forgotten the literal meaning, which is to remove the nits — lice eggs — from someone’s hair.

A child with lice should be grateful for a nitpicking parent (and if they are not, their teachers and the other parents surely are).

Similarly, a colleague who requests the services of a copy editor should be grateful when that person identifies potentially embarrassing mistakes, large or small.

Miss Manners recognizes, without accepting, that an ability to write clearly and grammatically is considered either elitist or beneath contempt. (Could we at least decide which?) She therefore makes no objection if you return the edited document with a disclaimer that you’re sorry about the grammar changes and hope they will be useful — you just couldn’t help yourself.

Dear Miss Manners: Several weeks ago, my wife and I enjoyed a meal at one of our favorite restaurants. She ordered filet mignon but was brought prime rib. We did not object, but at the end of the meal, we pointed out the error to the wait staff.

We did not expect a refund. My wife thought it inappropriate to complain at the end of the meal.

Several weeks later, at a different restaurant, I ordered a rare tuna steak. It came out well done, but I did not send it back. In the past, I have sent back a martini if it was not made right.

I have come to think that it is more rude than discriminating to send something back. (Yes, I have had some “too wet” martinis, and endured.) Any thoughts on appropriate behavior in these situations?

Gentle Reader: As a paying customer, objecting to a genuine mistake, at the time it is discovered, is not impolite. It becomes so when the mistake is past remedy (you ate it two courses back and the price was not materially different); or is more a matter of preference than fact (the order is what it was stated to be, but not what you expected); or is reported in a belligerent or sarcastic manner.

Miss Manners is unable to gauge the level of suffering caused by a wet martini, but recognizes that saying nothing about a minor mishap can be the kinder course.

Dear Miss Manners: With strolling hors d’oeuvres, is it proper to have sit-down tables?

Gentle Reader: It is considerate. They get tired of strolling.