NBA AllStar party light on weekend Warriors
AllStar observations from a frontrow couch ...
Who won Sunday’s NBA AllStar Game? The score is still being tabulated by the Iowa Democratic party.
Three quarters of sleepwalking, showboating and unwatchable basketball, followed by one quarter of the most intense and leastartistic basketball of the season. Clumsy, dirty, brutish, entertaining. Roller Derby in sneakers. Like an episode of the Muppets ending in a fullscale brawl.
Did you enjoy the gapyear AllStar festivities? It wasn’t easy, but the league soldiered through the weekend without the Warriors.
Golden State rookie Eric Paschall did take MVP honors in the Rising Stars game. But no Warriors threepoint shooters, no Warriors dunkers, no Warriors AllStars.
The previous seven AllStar Games featured at least one Warrior, starting with David Lee in 2013. Between Latrell Sprewell in ’97 and Lee, there was a 15year Warriorsfree gap, although Jason Richardson won two slamdunk titles.
If the TV folks were going
to go all political, how about equal time for local political heroes? All the camera exposure for Democrat Barack Obama, and not even a cameo for Republican Abraham Lincoln?
Is the pregame show over yet? I was waiting for Carl Sandburg to come out and read his poem “Chicago.”
Fave line from that poem: “They tell me you are wicked and I believe them, because I have seen your painted women under the gas lamps luring the farm boys.” Times have changed! No more gas lamps.
I was enjoying the pregame layup lines, then I realized we were five minutes into the game. Who paid off the Chicago cops so no defenders got arrested for loitering? I haven’t seen so many uncontested dunks since Fat Guy Friday at Krispy Kreme.
How to get a laugh in the huddle: “Come on, guys, we gotta get a stop!”
My Gatorade sweat patch registered zero.
Not one of the weekend’s featured musical groups: Chicago.
You’re not going to see that many dunks until the next AllStar Game, or your next visit to a bigcity playground, whichever comes first.
There’s no crying in dunking! Aaron Gordon thinks he got cheated out of the slamdunk title Saturday and whined, “It’s a wrap, bro, it’s a wrap. It’s over for that (dunk contest). I feel like I should have two trophies.”
How about if we give you two participation trophies and a juice box?
Bro, you got beat. Besides, dunking over 7foot5 Tacko Fall doesn’t earn you extra credit. On the contrary. You pushed off Fall’s head, giving you bonus ups. You pushed off more than George Kittle did in the Super Bowl.
Oops! Gordon forgot to congratulate the winner, Derrick Jones Jr.? Who is, by the way, a great story. Undrafted, G Leaguer.
Why no James Harden in the 3point contest? Harden’s on pace to sink 363 3pointers this season, which would be the third best of all time, behind Stephen Curry (402) and Harden (378).
That 30foot bonus 3pointer, sponsored by a junkdrink company, should be called the Curry shot. Nobody shot from that distance until Curry started doing it. Nobody. If a long home run is Ruthian, a long 3pointer is Curryan.
I hope Colin Kaepernick saw that “please vote” commercial sponsored by Levi’s.
The game answered the question, “What is the reaction of a group of underprivileged kids whose organization just lost $100,000 because the guys on the team representing them got too goofy?”
Most honest sports commissioner? Adam Silver wins again. Put him in charge of baseball for a week and watch about 25 Astros get suspended and fined.
Coolest AllStar MVP ever was Adrian “Odie” Smith in 1966. The Cincinnati Royals’ guard was the surprise MVP, scoring 24 points. His prize was a Ford Galaxie convertible. Smith, 86, still has that car.
Wilt Chamberlain was MVP in 1960, his rookie season. He had his choice of a sports car or a soccermom station wagon. He took the station wagon, to transport his huge dogs, and he kept the car the rest of his life.
Magic Johnson gave a touching pregame tribute to David Stern and Kobe Bryant. Brought back memories of the 1980 AllStar Game, when Magic was a rookie. His selection to the team was scoffed at by many NBA insiders. All smile, no substance. Three months later, the tune changed when Johnson led the Lakers to the NBA title.
Why isn’t the 3point contest sponsored by Drano?