Fingerpointing off target for kids
While most San Franciscans have shown strength and grace in handling our grueling shelterinplace reality, some residents seem to have let cabin fever go to their heads.
That Nextdoor mentality of jumping to conclusions, ratting out strangers, making the slightest inconvenience seem like a crisis and presuming you’re right in every circumstance has unfortunately spread offline and into plenty of reallife encounters.
Too many people have decided they’re the mask and socialdistancing police and that even though they’re out and about, other people shouldn’t be. I’ve been tagged in countless photos on social media and emailed long accounts of strangers behaving a little bit badly. Look, somebody’s talking to their friends at the park! Says the person taking pictures in the same park.
Shame these people in your column, I’m instructed. OK, I’ll do a little shaming — of the shamers.
As Mayor London Breed said in a
recent press conference, “If you’re not a police officer, don’t act like one. What we don’t want is more confrontation, more stress and more drama ... Worry about what you need to do and not what someone else is doing.”
Indeed. Incredibly, among those bearing a lot of the brunt of this misguided shaming are the children of the city’s essential workers who are cared for by Recreation and Parks Department staff in emergency child care programs.
There are a total of 244 kids in kindergarten through eighth grades who are the children of doctors, nurses and city employees who’ve been activated as disaster workers. The parks staff watches the kids in 25 parks and recreation centers around the city, helping them with their school’s distance learning, playing games and getting them outside for exercise.
So we have heroic people needing somewhere for their children to be during the day — and heroic people taking care of them for sometimes very long stretches of 12 hours or more. But instead of expressing thanks or just saying nothing at all (imagine that!), some passersby have been downright awful, not realizing the kids are allowed to be in the recreation centers and other park spaces that are closed to the general public.
“We’ve had this persistent problem with people,” said Tamara Aparton, spokeswoman for the Recreation and Parks Department. “They get angry and say, ‘If these kids can be here so can I.’ They’ve asked them, ‘What are you doing? What are your parents thinking?’ The police have been called on them for being outside without a mask, which you can do if you practice social distancing.”
Aparton said the proper avenue for reporting actual problems — such as people having a giant party in the park or a big organized sports game or refusing to wear a mask inside — is to call 311.
Scolding rarely does the trick, but people sure are trying it.
Two sisters, aged 6 and 10, were sitting next to each other, and a man harassed them through the fence about being too close. Another man told staff he was going to call his local supervisor, saying, “Why are these kids outside? They’re not allowed to be outside.” Even though he was, yes, outside.
A staffer in Glen Canyon took a small group of kids on a walk, having them hold a long tugofwar rope marked off in 6foot increments. The staffer’s supervisor, Toby Wiley, recounted, “A couple of senior citizens walked up close to him and said, ‘Thanks for bringing the kids out to kill us.’ ”
Yes, even though the seniors were out on the very same walk.
Everybody’s anxious these days, and Wiley said he understands that — to an extent.
“Maybe it’s a way to get out some of the angst that they’re feeling,” he said. “It’s tough.”
Still, that’s no excuse to be rude to children and essential workers, and parks staff is now trying to be proactive.
They’re placing large signs around the facilities with bright orange, allcaps lettering reading “Emergency child care.” The signs also read, “Please respect our staff and program participants.”
Caitlin Reilly, site leader at the Excelsior playground, said someone poses a problem a couple of times a week. “Once, a man leaned through the fence, lecturing the kids, ‘Do your parents know you’re outside? Do they know what you’re doing?’ ”
Even though the kids were with adults and they were all wearing matching Tshirts to signify they’re part of a sanctioned program.
“He just kept going, saying, ‘You shouldn’t be outside,’ ” Reilly said. “People are really quick to go with the attitude of, ‘Why are you here?’ Actually, sir, I’m hired to be here to take care of the children.”
She said the kids have mostly been able to brush off the bad behavior, but they were bothered by the man lecturing them through the fence.
“They were asking, ‘Why did he feel the need to do that?’ We sat there and explained,” Reilly said. “We reminded them they are allowed to be using the space.”
One in Reilly’s care is the daughter of a nurse who works overnight shifts and drops her at the playground in the morning so she can sleep. The girl hollers, “Goodnight, Mommy!
Sweet dreams!” as her exhausted mother drives away.
“She says, ‘Mommy works really, really hard. She has a busy schedule right now,’ ” Reilly said. “The kids are really understanding.”
It’s too bad so many adults are not.
“Maybe it’s a way to get out some of the angst that they’re feeling.”
Toby Wiley, Recreation and Parks Department