DEAR ABBY
Dear Abby: My family and I bought a house in a nice, quiet, safe neighborhood three years ago. What we didn’t know was that our next- door neighbor sometimes smokes cigarettes.
It rains eight months out of the year here, and we usually keep our windows closed. But during the summer, we like to sleep with the windows open. When our neighbor steps outside for a cigarette, the smoke drifts into our bedroom. At first, I thought they didn’t realize that the smoke was bothering us. Eventually I began to get upset. When I wake up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, I can smell it. I have made a point of loudly slamming the windows shut, hoping it would make them stop. It doesn’t stop them.
We don’t want to have to keep our windows closed, because it is not an everyday occurrence. It happens once a week or so, and always late at night or early in the morning. I don’t know if this is how they handle insomnia or what the deal is. Why do they still smoke in this day and age?
There’s no landlord to complain to because they own their home. We have never introduced ourselves to each other, and I don’t believe they care to know us any more than we care to get to know them. What do we do? — Hates the Smoke in Oregon Dear Hates: Had you made a point of introducing yourself when you ( or they) moved in, you probably wouldn’t have needed to write to me now.
Slamming your window shut is not a friendly or efficient way to communicate because these people are not mind readers. Going next door, introducing yourself, explaining that there’s a problem and asking if they could smoke on the other side of their house would be better. If you can’t bring yourself to do that, write a letter and tell them that you would appreciate their cooperation in solving this problem.
Dear Abby: I’ve been with the same man for 22 years, married for 16. We live in a small town. During the last four or five years, everything has become about politics for my husband. I have absolutely no interest in hearing about what happens politically in big cities — or anywhere, for that matter. How can I get him to stop going on and on about what he reads or hears? So far, I haven’t been successful, and we end up arguing. Do you see any room for a compromise? — Don’t Show Me in Missouri Dear Don’t: To some degree, you have to allow your husband to vent. There is no escaping the subject. If you listen, you may learn something you didn’t know that could be relevant to you. Limit the amount of time you spend listening, but I don’t recommend cutting him off. I’m willing to bet that you sometimes bring up subjects that may be less than fascinating for him, too.