High time to unload some petty sports beefs
Don’t you hate it when someone on Twitter expresses a petty pet peeve and it strikes home and after you smile because you realize you’re not alone in being bugged by this tiny thing, you can’t stop thinking about all the other unimportant stuff that bugs you?
Damn you, Kate Scott! I was going to write something really important and profound today, but you got me sidetracked with your tweet that you are irritated by “The fact that the piping doesn’t go all the way around the shoulder hole in the NBA.”
Why fight it? Here’s some of the stuff bugging me and others, including folks on the Twitter string the legendary
broadcaster @KateScott started:
⏩ The cheat sheets consulted by outfielders, pitchers and catchers. It started with quarterbacks. Did Willie Mays need a card to tell him where to shade Duke Snider? Now the batboy’s got a cheat sheet. “Pick up bats.”
⏩ Hoodie sweatshirts worn by pro teams that say what sport the wearer plays. “Golden State Warriors basketball.” Just in case you thought you were watching Golden State Warriors cornhole.
⏩ “Music during the run of play in a basketball game.” (Michelle Smith). Sorry, Michelle, but this is a major annoyance, not minor, so it doesn’t really fit in this list.
⏩ Relating to the disappearing piping on the backs of NBA jerseys, the fact that all NBA teams have that same disease. Can’t we go back to when every NBA team uniform was unique and distinctive, not produced by the same sportswear company’s cookiecutter? ⏩ “Dear NCAA basketball broadcast producers: Show the kids when they pull off an amazing win. Not the coach.
Not the coach’s wellmanicured wife. SHOW THE PLAYERS.” (Ann Killion) Mix in some decaf, Ann.
⏩ The I’msocool NBA arena walkin, every player wearing headphones. Do you guys ever, like, talk among yourselves, like teammates?
⏩ The disappearance of flipdown sunglasses for baseball outfielders.
⏩ “Cheap white (seethrough) football pants.” (Mindi Bach)
⏩ The use of “Jr.” on the back of they jersey. When I see Kelly Oubre Jr. dunk in traffic, I never wonder, “Was that Kelly Oubre Jr., or was that his dad?” I will be OK with the Jr. if dad and son both play on the team.
⏩ At college football games in the South, how the head coach always has to have a meanlooking cop in a Mountie hat escort him on and off the field, like he’s the pope or something. Let the cops go do cop stuff.
⏩ One too many decimal places in a stat. Like shooting percentage. Joe Blow shot 42% from the field? That’s good enough for me. Don’t take up my brain space telling me he shot 42.3%.
⏩ The use of frankly and quite
frankly. Why do we have different levels of truthiness?
⏩ In football and baseball, players on the sidelines who are interacting not with their teammates and coaches, but with tablets.
⏩ TV and radio commercials during baseball games where we are exhorted to “hit a home run” on a car deal or finding a solution to plumbing problems.
⏩ The fullcoverage mummy look in the NBA. Headband, undershirt, full sleeves, full leggings. Enjoy that ski run.
⏩ Basketball refs who, during a stoppage, stand near the
coach who is berating them. Who says you have to listen patiently to that blowhard? Why make yourself a captive target? Do what NBA refs did in the old days: Sneer at the coach and walk away.
⏩ Introductions of the nationalanthem singers that include all the singers’ credits. “And now, fivetime Grammy nominee and parttime yoga instructor ...”
⏩ How NHL goalies always take a drink from their bottle after giving up a goal. Bad goalie! No reward!
⏩ Introductions of the starting lineups at NBA arenas where
the announcer reads the names of the visitors like a school principal reading the detention list, but screams out the hometeam names like he’s the Hindenburg blimp disaster broadcaster.
⏩ The replogo backdrops behind every damn TV interview.
⏩ Super TV closeup of the face of the guy who just scored the basket, so viewers miss the action as the other team fastbreaks the other way.
⏩ “The utter loudness of the substitution horn.” (@AMart6023) Why the Alcatraz foghorn when a bicycle tinklebell would do?
⏩ TV college game announcers who remind us every four minutes what a “wellcoached team” this is. Announcers, many of them former coaches, are insufferable coach suckups. Please throw in an occasional “crappily coached team.”
⏩ Game broadcasters who refer to a team as a “welloiled machine.” Irks me so much I want to grab a sixpack and get welloiled myself.