Single woman agrees to dinner, not ‘dessert’

Dear Miss Manners: Iama single woman in my early 40s. I frequently receive invitations from single men (many of whom are more than 20 years older than me) to join them for dinner at their homes.

Knowing that I would enjoy dinner companionship and a nonrestaurant meal, I have on occasion accepted the invitations.

Every time, after I arrive for dinner, these men flirt with me, touch my arms and knees repeatedly, and ask me to stay. This is despite the fact that I never reciprocate any of these gestures and use socially appropriate ways to shut down the flirting.

What am I to do to avoid these situations? Must I say no to every invitation? Must I clarify in advance that this is not a date?

I’d like to have friendly companionship and interesting conversation, but am not interested in dating these men — especially ones who are the same age as my parents.

Gentle Reader:

Perhaps your frisky hosts are old enough to remember when it was understood that accepting an invitation to the home of a bachelor (or a married man whose wife was out of town) was tantamount to accepting the host.

Yes, that was nasty, unfair and sexist, although it was also assumed that a lady would have only one motive for entertaining a gentleman at home alone. Either way, the lady lost her reputation, if not more.

With that kind of thinking, announcing that you are accepting, but only as a friend, is likely to be taken for flirtatious coyness. Miss Manners regrets to say that if you accept such invitations, you will probably be subjected to annoyance — or worse.

Dear Miss Manners: There seems to be a new habit, among ladies with long hair, to groom it excessively with their hands while in close quarters.

I’ve been the recipient of hair from a young woman at a wine bar, young women at two different theaters, and an older woman while awaiting jury selection. They run their hands through their long hair several times and fling it on me in the process.

What are my polite options? . Must I put up with escaping hairs and scalp particles on my clothes and in my snacks and beverages?

Gentle Reader: The most polite way that Miss Manners can think of would be to pick the strand of hair from your clothes and say, ”Excuse me, but I believe you lost some of your hair. Would you like it back?”

Few people, however oblivious to the comfort of others, would care to have that said to them in public.

Send questions to Miss Manners’ website: www.missmanners.com; to her email address: dearmiss manners@gmail.com; or through postal mail: Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.