San Francisco Chronicle

Even open relationsh­ip needs some parameters

- By Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin

Dear Miss Manners: My husband and I have an open relationsh­ip with another couple. When we are out in public together as a foursome, we sit with each other’s spouses.

While I am fine with light touches in public, my husband and the other wife make out like teenagers. This is tacky, in my opinion, and quite embarrassi­ng to the other husband and me. We have both expressed this to them, but they continue.

My husband said that someone once told them they were “a beautiful couple.” Although we are consensual­ly open, is this behavior tacky?

Gentle Reader: It seems that for this to work, it requires rules and restrictio­ns. Yes, the very things that you went into this arrangemen­t hoping to avoid.

But if it is causing more pain than enjoyment for half of you — to say nothing of onlookers, to whom it is absolutely tacky — then the four of you must establish parameters for what is acceptable outside of closed doors.

Presumably you have already figured out how to successful­ly manage what’s behind them. Dear Miss Manners: My name is unique, but not particular­ly hard to pronounce once you hear it. I try to be sure people are pronouncin­g it correctly.

Someone I know very well still mispronoun­ces it. The time to correct them has long passed, but I would like them to know how to say it right. How can I bring this up without embarrassi­ng them — or me?

Gentle Reader: Meet someone new in front of your friend.

Send questions to Miss Manners’ website: www.missmanner­; to her email address: dearmiss; or through postal mail: Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

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