San Francisco Chronicle

Married woman wants to send Valentine

- By Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin Send questions to Miss Manners’ website: www.missmanner­; or to her email address: dearmiss

Dear Miss Manners: Can I send a simple Valentine’s card to a man I admire, but from whom I do not expect a response? The card would just wish him a happy day, with no mention of love.

He does not know me, but he has a high-profile public image. I would send it in care of a profession­al associatio­n he is involved with, not to his home address.

I have no intention of following up, although I did send another simple card 20 years ago to this man in the same way. He thanked me in writing. We have never met.

I would like to sign my name, but I also don’t want to creep him out. He is unattached, while I am in an unhappy marriage. I am torn.

Gentle Reader: Why didn’t you just send him a New Year’s card? As you say, you wouldn’t want to suggest that this is about love or romance.

If you can’t fool naive Miss Manners, you may be sure that you will not fool the recipient. But as he is apparently a public figure of some sort, you may not be the first unhappy wife who has approached him. It was gracious of him to thank you the first time, but he does not seem to have suggested that you run away together.

So you are talking about fan mail. That seems harmless, although not flattering to your husband if you care, or he would.

Dear Miss Manners: My daughter-in-law takes off her shoes when she walks into our house. My floors aren’t pristine, and when we sit in the living room, she puts her feet on the white wool upholstery.

I didn’t say anything at first, when she was the girlfriend. Now they are married. We have a great relationsh­ip and I should not make my furniture take precedence. But is there anything I can say at this point?

Gentle reader: “We got you this pair of slippers.”

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