Your child is transgender — accept it
A photo of my daughter in a gold crepe chiffon dress hangs above my dresser. She is 18 months old, her sandy-blond hair held back with ribbons, her small hands clenched in tight little fists, a prominent scowl on her cherubic face. Beside her, my two older children smile brightly; a flower girl dressed in white and a ring bearer dressed in silver.
I remember my sister’s wedding well. My youngest child pulled incessantly at her fancy dress, she dug her fists into the dirt of potted plants, she took off her glittery Mary Janes and threw them off the balcony of my parents’ beachside apartment. She was unhappy. She was uncomfortable. She was frustrated.
It would be another year before she had words to explain why.
“Mom,” she said one day with a timid voice, barely above a whisper. We were sitting on the edge of her pink bedspread. She looked down toward the floor, weaving her fingers together, swinging her feet in the air.
“I am not a girl, Mom. I am a boy.”
My son did not need to say it twice. Bit by bit, we rewrote his short history, taking out the “she” and “her” from events that “she” and “her” had never fit. There was no question; we never doubted him. When a child bravely speaks their truth, you owe it to them to listen.
Yet, many adults in our country are not listening.
Fueled by an egregious misunderstanding of what it means to live in a body whose biological sex and gender do not traditionally align, the Republican Party is mercilessly attacking transgender children — kids who only want to fit in, to have friends, to belong in their own bodies.
The American Civil Liberties Union is tracking 351 antiLGBTQ+ bills nationwide. Of these, over 150 are anti-transgender, reports the New York Times. State legislators have proposed a variety of bills, including ban son trans gender affirming healthcare, the prohibition of trans gender children from participating in school sports, and the cessation of gender-affirming name and pronoun usage in schools.
“Anti-trans and nonbinary legislation to restrict access to gender-affirming care, and even criminalize parental or provider support for gender expansive youth, are acts of terrorism,” said Jenn Burleton, founder of the TransActive Gender Project at Lewis & Clark Graduate School in Portland, Ore. “These youth understand what is happening and are deeply traumatized by it. It’s criminal, and needs to be stopped by every means necessary.”
An astounding 86 percent of transgender youth consider suicide and 56 percent attempt it, according to a 2020 study published in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence. Results from this study showed that intrapersonal microaggressions, such as those from peers, family and society, statistically increased lifetime suicide attempts in study participants. A lack of belonging in school, emotional neglect by family and internalized selfstigma all statistically increased suicide attempts in the previous six months. In contrast, participants who reported family and peer support, as well as school belonging, had decreased suicidality rates.
Yet, even armed with these alarming statistics, the majority of the GOP relentlessly continues to suppress transgender rights.
There are rare exceptions. In March 2022, for example, Gov. Spencer J. Cox, R-Utah, acted against his own party’s agenda by vetoing a Republican attempt to prohibit transgender youths from participating in school sports.
“When in doubt,” he said, “I always try to err on the side of kindness, mercy and compassion.”
Rather than blindly follow the GOP, Cox chose to follow the numbers: 75,000 kids participate in school sports in Utah and only four are transgender.
“Four kids ... that’s what all of this is about,” he wrote in a letter to the president of the state Senate and speaker of the House. “Rarely has so much fear and anger been directed at so few.” The legislature overrode Cox’s veto a few days later.
A study by Dutch researchers attributing bone density loss to puberty blocker use has triggered aggressive Republican legislation prohibiting this treatment. They cite concerns about possible osteoporosis but ignore puberty blockers’ ability to lower suicide rates. Another Dutch study suggests that if puberty blockers are followed by hormone therapy, low bone density can often be reversed.
Suicide, however, cannot be. As the parent of a transgender son, I ask transgender naysayers this: Is it worse to have a child with low bone density than it is to have a dead child? Because without access to gender-affirming health care, nearly half of transgender youth will choose not to live over living in the wrong body.
I think of how, at age 2, my son would fearlessly climb to the top of our tree house. I think of how, at age 1, he insisted the swing be pushed as high as it would go.
“Just like a boy,” we would say. “She is just like a boy.”
Because he was, and always had been, a boy.
To deny my son access to transition medications, prohibit his participation in socially validating activities and remove his right to use his chosen name and pronouns, is to sentence my child to a statistically probable premature death.
“I am not a girl, Mom. I am a boy.” My son did not need to say it twice. When a child bravely speaks their truth, you owe it to them to listen. Yet, many adults in our country are not listening.