Older grad student faces attitudes

Dear Miss Manners: I just began a full-time grad program that is small, demanding and excellent. I am 73 and my cohorts are in their 30s, and I haven’t noticed any particular gap in our views or any alienation from the others. I am just absorbed in the reading, writing and discussions, like we all are.

My concern centers on others’ reactions when they hear about what I’m doing, like: “Isn’t that wonderful! Good to keep busy!”

Nobody would ever say that to the other students. It’s not a little hobby; it’s a program that will contribute a lot to my long-term projects and goals.

When they tell me how wonderful it is that I am doing this, I know they’re trying to be nice. But I find these remarks condescending and insulting — pure ageism.

Gentle Reader: Ah, yes — the return, later in life, of that well-meant toddlertalk: “Good job! You are walking all by yourself!”

Miss Manners has never heard of a toddler replying, “Yes, and I will soon be able to outrun you.” You should probably observe equal restraint.

But she will permit you to inquire pleasantly, “And what are you doing to keep yourself busy and active?”

Dear Miss Manners: Could you please educate us on the difference between a living room, sitting room, drawing room, saloon, lounge, parlor and boudoir?

Gentle Reader: These distinctions have gone out of use. But for the sake of social history, Miss Manners will try:

Boudoir: A bedroom, or antechamber to one, where a lady receives her intimates — confidantes, hairdresser, social secretary.

Lounge: A retreat in a commercial establishment.

Living room: Kept empty so it would be clean for company.

Sitting room: Where the family was allowed to be if banished from the living room and where it often gathered when there was only one household TV.

Drawing room: For distinguished company.

Salon: Reserved for guests who would be expected to wittily ponder the meaning of life.

Parlor: Where you would be on view before your funeral.