‘Pomp and circumstance’ for 6-year-olds

Dear Miss Manners: It’s nearing that time again: time for the ridiculous show of kindergarten “graduations.” I generally decline invitations to any such events, but this year I have a grandniece “graduating” who lives in the same town I do.

I feel I should attend and do my best to limit any eye-rolling. Is a gift required? What does one get a 6-year-old for this event?

Gentle Reader: You seem to have difficulty appreciating the solemnity of the occasion and your grandniece’s mastery of academic skills. Therefore, Miss Manners suggests that you approach it, instead, as the young lady’s entry into (slightly) higher education.

You would not, then, give her a toy, but an introduction to a subject that interests you — science, art, history, whatever that may be. The present could be a book at the first-grade level or, better yet, an excursion with you to a museum, laboratory, national monument or such. Along with your sincere efforts to spark her interest.

Dear Miss Manners: We have, as close friends, two families in which the husbands — previously powerful, with highly respected jobs — have become disabled with dementia. Both wives have explained that they have become caregivers for their husbands. You can imagine the tragedy; we are devastated.

My wife and I care deeply for both families, but we don’t know how to communicate with them now, or even if we should. If we attempt contact, we may seem to be imposing and demanding a response. If we don’t, we may seem indifferent. Can you suggest the right path forward?

Gentle Reader: Pay social visits to them. Look for ways to relieve the wives doing errands, bringing treats, staying with the husband so that the wife can go out.

But you were wondering if you should even communicate with these close friends. Miss Manners would have thought that the very concept of friendship means not deserting them because of their troubles.