Santa Fe New Mexican - Healthy Living
Bouncing back
AN ACTION PLAN FOR BUILDING RESILIENCE
In her writing and activism in the 20th century, Helen Keller, who was blind and deaf, offered her hard-won perspective that “although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.”
Pain and suffering afflict most people at some point in their lives. But not everyone reacts the same way to life’s hardships and tragedies. Some remain frozen in their distress, while others seem to rally, drawing from a source of strength that will render their lives perhaps different but not diminished.
What determines the ability to recover is psychological resilience — “the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress,” according to the American Psychological Association. This resilience is not a trait that “people either have or do not have” but involves “behaviors, thoughts and actions that can be learned and developed.”
Several actions “learned and developed” can fortify resilience, says Dr. Amy Jelliffe, a psychiatrist with the Presbyterian Medical Group in Santa Fe who also teaches yoga and conducts mindfulness-based therapy workshops. In bouncing back, she says, it’s possible to move forward.
“We all know people who go through losses but continue to see themselves as functioning, valuable individuals,” she says.
Those who lack resilience might experience depression, anxiety, self-doubt, a weakened immune system, problems sleeping, diminished interpersonal skills or strained relationships. In addition to professional therapy, there are ways to strengthen resilience with self-help. “Everyone needs a first aid kit, a toolbox to care for themselves,” Jelliffe says. Following are her suggestions for building and maintaining resilience.
Nurture a resilient state of mind
Resilience often is reflected in “how we think about the events that come our way, being aware of our thoughts and being able to talk to ourselves in a soothing way. We need to befriend ourselves,” Jelliffe says. “Sometimes a lack of resilience has to do with feeling unloved or unlovable. If you don’t have a sense of your own dignity, the messages [of difficulties or failures] become personal. We need to see ourselves as belonging, as having a purpose, as sufficient and worthy.”
Practice self-care
“Ask yourself: What do I need now?” Acknowledge feelings and don’t be afraid to express them. If you need to shut your door and scream, or sob into your yoga mat, “listen to your hurt in a kind way,” Jelliffe suggests. “Talk to yourself about letting go, sending worries into the earth with an open heart.” Laughing, crying, listening to music, stretching and sharing are all tools of self-care.
Prepare for pain
If you anticipate a painful experience, such as a divorce or a loved one’s death, acknowledge that “there is a huge thing about to happen,” Jelliffe says. “See the weight of it and admit it’s going to be difficult. Say it out loud and take time to prepare using selfcare practices and resources in the community. Consider asking for time away from work. Allow yourself what you need to be resilient.”
Integrate mind and body
Mindfulness and meditation can strengthen the ability to focus on and appreciate the here and now. But it’s important to combine them with physical movement — engaging your body in some way that’s helpful to you — whether it’s walking, running, dancing, yoga or tai chi. “Feelings can be processed through your body, not just in your mind,” Jelliffe says, and muscle movement can help to work out stress.
Look above and beyond
“It helps to have a bigger picture to draw from, of being in the universe, feeling connected to what’s above, whether through religion or a sense of spirituality. We don’t live in a vacuum. We’re on a planet in a galaxy, and we can benefit from the wonder of that. Sometimes people can’t see the beauty of nature, of what’s around them, and draw strength from that. If people don’t have some kind of spiritual perspective on life and death,” Jelliffe says, “it can be a lot harder to negotiate all the unpredictable things that come our way.”
Call upon the community
Make use of outside resources — join a club, a church or another place of community. “Once people get involved, they can see that they are themselves again. They don’t see themselves as unworthy or deficient, as deserving of the negative experiences they are confronting,” Jelliffe says.
Reflect a holistic view
“When you are hurt, everything you do is relevant — whom you speak with, what you eat and drink, when you sleep, if you have a community of support, a trusted friend, a pet to hold and feel loved by,” Jelliffe continues. “All these things help people to rebuild and reground themselves, using whatever angle that love can come from — friends and family but also nature, creativity and selfawareness.”
Create a safe environment
For parents, “nurturing resilience in children entails providing a home life that is safe,” free of abuse and respectful, Jelliffe says. According to research cited by the journal World Psychiatry,
“psychological resilience is generally fostered by environmental/ caregiving conditions during childhood that are loving, emotionally responsive, consistent and reliable.”
Beyond the realm of personal challenges, an insecure political environment can tax the skills of resilience. “The politics of an entire country, and those leading it, can affect the resilience of people and institutions,” Jelliffe says. “At the same time, we’ve seen incredible resilience in the worst situations of poverty and imprisonment.” Resilience can get stronger or weaker over time, but in all times, “supporting growth and learning” promotes it.