‘It felt like there was no other way out’
For struggling teens who believe they are out of options, there is help — from friends, counselors and family
For 20-year-old Ashley Brundige, it started with a case of severe depression. “I felt sad and hopeless, and some days it was for no reason at all,” the Albuquerque resident recalled. “I couldn’t do anything to make it better, so I would just sit in my room. It wasn’t a [feeling] I wanted, but at the time, I was going through so much and was so confused by the emotions I had. I didn’t have enough understanding or help with it. It felt like there was no other way out.”
Feeling hopeless, she attempted to take her own life when she was in the eighth grade. She failed. Some four years later, she tried again. “I took 112 aspirin,” she said of the second attempt. “Someone had called the cops on me. They came and thought I was all right, so they just made me go to the mall with my mom. At that point, I was blacking out and feeling really sick, so I sat at the food court, and my little brother realized something was wrong and told my mom. After that, I spent three days in the ICU.”
The ups and downs of emotional angst when dealing with depression, bullying, drug or alcohol addiction and other challenges can sometimes lead young people to believe they have run out of options. According to the Tennessee-based nonprofit The Jason Foundation, which works to prevent suicide among teens, suicide is the second leading cause of death of 12- to 18-year-olds in the United States. New Mexico historically has suicide rates for 15- to 24-year-olds that are twice the national rate. Currently, New Mexico’s rate is fourth highest in the country, according to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
But, experts say, there are resources that provide support, and given that September is National Suicide Prevention Month, they urge teens to reach out for that help. Brundige found it, but only after a few false starts. She began struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts while in the seventh grade. Some caring adults tried to help her. After a number of calls home from her school counselor and her first suicide attempt, Brundige’s mom, DJ Harrell, decided to home-school her.
“I think [being home-schooled] gave me the break that I needed, because during school I was also bullied. I was even forced to do my schoolwork on the dining room table so I had to come out of my room,” Brundige said.
While home-schooling helped Brundige get out of a somewhat toxic school environment, high school wasn’t much better, so in her sophomore year, Brundige attended a program at a behavorial boot camp program in Utah for some 100 days. Her mother said she could only communicate with her daughter through snail mail and only visit once, around the 50-day mark. “During that time, she was stripped of everything she’s ever had. They take everything away, and you have to earn it back,” Harrell said.
It still wasn’t enough to give her hope. But after Utah, Brundige was able to connect with a counselor who made a difference — Elisa MontroseRoback of the Bosque Mental Health program. “She always tells me that I don’t give myself enough credit. She’s good at reminding me of my worth and that no matter what situation I am in, I am bigger and better than it,” Brundige said.
Brundige and her mother are closer now, she said, and she feels she can call her mom for support and help whenever necessary, something that wasn’t always the case.
Parents are there to help, but the very thought of talking with someone about suicide prevention can be difficult, Curly O’Connor said. She should know. In April 2014, her 23-year-old son, Cooper Beacom, took his life by jumping off the Rio Grande Gorge Bridge north of Taos. She witnessed it.
“That night, I drove out there with my youngest son, Keaun, and Cooper’s best friend, and we tried to talk to him. He started running, so I tried to chase him down. That’s how it all started,” O’Connor said.
Shortly afterward, O’Connor started the Gorge Bridge Safety Network to deter people from taking their lives on the bridge. The railing of the Gorge Bridge is barely 4 feet tall, cellphone reception is spotty, and the footpath on the bridge is dangerously narrow with no safety railing on the inside. But the Gorge Bridge Safety Network has worked with the state’s Department of Transportation to install 10 call boxes along the bridge that connect visitors to a suicide prevention hotline.
Since O’Connor’s son died, 600 buttons have been pushed on these call boxes, and four emergency calls were able to save people on the bridge.
People reach out to O’Connor for help and support now. “I have been trying to be open-hearted, communicate and encompass all of the community and make people aware of the problems,” she said. O’Connor said people need to understand that the desire to take your own life is “not always a mental health issue” but rather an action stemming from a moment of impulse when people give up on themselves.
Some experts say it is that moment of impulse that makes all the difference between life and death. Jack Kelly, a sophomore at The University of New Mexico, learned about that moment early in his high school years when a teammate on his
ice hockey team took his own life.
Grief consumed the school, he said. And that event was “the first of two that year. The second took place about a week later. It was a difficult time for everybody — lots of silence in the halls, hard to focus on schoolwork, a lot of kids leaving class.”
He was aware of statistics about teens taking their own lives and how media outlets made it all seem like something that happened to someone else living far, far away.
“You see it on TV, and you see it with kids you’ve never met before,” he said. “But having a kid that I used to talk to in the halls, see on the ice playing hockey and then see them not be there anymore and realize I’m not going to talk to them anymore, changes you a lot.”
He said teens dealing with grief over the loss of a loved one need to remind themselves that they can make a difference by providing support and love to someone going through depression or self-esteem issues. “I am a little more mindful of how I treat people and of what they might be going through,” he said.
Brett Marciel, a spokesman for The Jason Foundation, advises a similar mindfulness among teens.
“First, don’t panic if your friend comes to you asking for help,” Marciel said. “You can help. Listen carefully to what your friend is saying. Talking to the person about what they are feeling or thinking can help relieve some of their anxiety. Be supportive and not judgmental.
“Take it seriously — always take any comments about hurting oneself or killing oneself serious. Seek help — get a responsible adult involved. This can be anyone you trust. Sometimes you will have to directly ask the person if he or she is thinking about killing themselves. Remember, talking to someone about suicide will not give the person the idea for suicide or cause them to attempt suicide. Do not leave a suicidal friend alone. Get help immediately.”
Nationally and locally, there are a number of organizations that provide help. The Sky Center offers free family counseling to Santa Fe and surrounding communities.
Apryl Miller, executive director of the center, said teens need to understand that, “This pain is going to pass. Things are going to change. Reach out. There is somebody [to help] even if it’s to some of the hotlines.” She said often teens see that reaching out as a barrier, but once they make that call or ask for help, “The rest is much easier.”
Brundige, who works in the real estate business in Albuquerque and volunteers for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention program, said help is available.
“My advice is not to be scared to ask for help,” Brundige said. “There are hotlines you can call and counselors around. Believe in yourself.”