No more time to waste: Women deserve respect

Recently, I met with a group of women to talk about the #MeToo moment we’re in. I listened as the women spoke with courage, grace and dignity about being harassed, groped, wolf-whistled and even raped. Toward the end of the meeting, one of them asked the “elephant in the room” question: “Can a man get it?”

Can a man get what it’s like to be treated like that?

When it comes to that kind of experience, the answer is no. But can a man feel empathy, express compassion, speak out in solidarity with women, and support real solutions that prevent harassment and assaults on women? The answer to that is, yes. We not only can, we must — now.

I don’t have the kind of awful experiences the women talked about. But I do have a painful personal story that might help other men speak out as well. Back in the early 1970s, I worked as the policy adviser to a young, charismatic mayor. The work was inspiring, and it made a real difference in the lives of families and neighborhoods.

Thirty years later, an investigative reporter uncovered a story none of us had known about or even suspected. The mayor had raped the teenage daughter of one of my co-workers. Suddenly, things I thought I understood made no sense. A person I thought I knew turned out to be a total stranger. I felt outraged, angry and betrayed. I had trusted him. My children had played at his house, and now it turned out he had committed this horrible crime.

When I reflect on that awful crime — especially in light of today’s daily revelations of powerful men abusing women — there’s much I’ve learned.

I’ve learned we have to confront a pervasive culture that allows men in power to assault and harass women. We can’t condone it or be silent about it. We cannot watch from the sidelines. It’s time for men to speak out and take action. I’ve learned that lesson, and I hope my speaking out will encourage others to do the same.

The time is now to implement protections so women have the power to demand their rights. We need training and prevention to keep assaults from happening. We need to take this issue into our schools. We need to teach our boys to become men who respect women. We need to teach our daughters to demand respect.

We need to support Secretary of State Maggie Toulouse Oliver’s proposed reforms to require training to prevent sexual harassment. Rep. Kelly Farjado’s demand to rewrite the policies and procedures governing sexual harassment in the Roundhouse deserves our support. The city of Santa Fe needs to update its protections against sexual harassment and spell them out to all city workers. The women who work for the city need to know they are respected, protected and safe.

This issue goes beyond preventing violence to women. It’s about true equality for women.

Whether I’m elected mayor or not, Santa Fe needs a Women’s Advisory Council to develop an ongoing agenda for gender equity in Santa Fe, to advocate for equal rights and equal representation for women. I’ve studied other cities with Women’s Advisory Councils. Where they’re given real authority, they make a real difference. A Women’s Advisory Council will provide an equity advocate to address the underlying issue of power in our society — the issue at the heart of this moment in America.

So here’s my answer to the question, “Can a man get it?”

By listening to women, we must learn to get it. We must add our stories and our voices to this cause. We must be part of the solution.

Time is up when it comes to violence against women. It’s time to make sure women have equal protection and equal rights. Now.