Talk with kids about a move
Summer is the time many families relocate, with the peak moving season being between May 15 and Aug. 3. Moving is stressful for everyone, and it can be especially disruptive for children. Our need to belong as well as our need to feel powerful can be strongly challenged by moving.
How can you best talk with your children about making a big summer move?
Feel all of your feelings about the move. You don’t have to stoically push yourself through a move. That does not prepare them — or you — well. Being vulnerable, talking about your feelings and making space for them to talk about theirs creates a more secure, comforting path.
When you feel your own feelings as they arise during your preparations to move, you will be better able to guide your child through all of their feelings. My father was in the Air Force when I was very young, and we moved a lot. I went to five different elementary schools.
It would have been great to have had conversations about our feelings. My parents were stressed, and even though we never talked about it, we children certainly felt it and experienced the fallout.
Whether feeling mad, afraid, sad, hurt or happy, feel your feelings and have conversations with your children about theirs.
Find ways for your child to feel valuable and powerful during the move. I initially felt afraid and powerless. Participating in the move allowed me to feel valuable and powerful at the time I needed it most. Additionally, there were two long-term benefits — becoming both highly organized and a skilled packer. Get your children involved in taping and numbering boxes, keeping lists, drawing signs for your garage sale, organizing their stuff, making calls and picking what they would like to donate or sell if you are downsizing. They can help at your garage sale or pack things for the charity of your choice.
If you have a child (or spouse) who does not transition smoothly, provide updates
such as “we move in four weeks” and “the movers come in 14 days.” Countdown reminders like this can make the move feel less out of control. Talk about the place you are leaving and the place you are going, framing the move as an adventure. Talk about the exciting things that you get to do, see and learn from the move. Discuss all that have you loved about your current home and what are you looking forward to in your new home. Share what you will miss and who you will miss. Your children will understand that all of you — adults and children alike — will be missing things. No one is alone in that.
How will you say goodbye and how will you stay in touch?
We lived in our home in Florida for 24 years before moving to New Mexico. There were many attachments to unravel. We created a ritual to say goodbye to our home, allowing us to let go a little easier. We celebrated with our dear friends and made plans to see each other down the road.
You and your children will experience more ease, comfort and continued connections in crafting your own ways to say goodbye and to stay in touch.
Moving is a hero’s journey for a family. You leave the familiar to brave the unknown, and no matter where you go, there you are — together as a family. The adventure of moving and creating a new home together draws a circle around you that distinguishes and defines your togetherness.
Moving was a constant when I was young. It was disruptive, and yet it sealed us together. It was like the sticker on my red doll trunk that made every move with us, “We are an Air Force Family.”
Maggie Macaulay is the owner of Whole Hearted Parenting, offering coaching, courses and workshops. Contact her at 954-483-8021 or Maggie@ WholeHeartedParenting.com. Visit her website at WholeHeartedParenting.com.