Meltdown by child can be opportunity for learning
Most parents dread meltdowns, particularly those that happen in public. With the crying, screaming and flailing arms, everything feels out of control. Not only are you handling a distraught little being, but you are also being observed. Let’s look at some tools to handle meltdowns with confidence and calm.
First, feeling out of control or observing someone else appearing to be out of control is a trigger for most people. When a child becomes seemingly out of control, a parent’s immediate reaction might be to make whatever is happening stop — just make it go away. This will only increase your child’s feelings of powerlessness and escalate the meltdown.
Fueled by thoughts of the imagined judgments of those watching, the situation can further intensify. Now two humans — one adult and one child — are having a very challenging time.
Consider this a golden opportunity to learn something about yourself as you guide your child to traverse the meltdown. Exploring your own response to “out of control” is the foundation. The more you are in touch with your reaction, the more you can consciously and calmly respond. Here are some questions to assist in your exploration:
◆ How does it feel to be out of control? As children, most of us experienced situations that felt out of control, such as fighting, yelling or being punished. At the time, you might have felt helpless, overpowered, terrified, mad or sad. Are those the feelings that come up now during your child’s meltdown?
Choose a quiet time and sit with your feelings. Processing your experience can allow you to respond from a place of calm rather than from those old reactions. If your experience with being out of control included abuse, speak with a trusted professional.
◆ What are your thoughts when your child has a meltdown? Thinking that your child is purposefully defying you, that other people are negatively judging you, that you can never get anything done because of your child’s behavior or that you can’t control the situation can contribute to a kneejerk reaction rather than a conscious response.
If you find yourself thinking thoughts like these, remind yourself that your child does want to cooperate and is doing their best; that others are compassionate; that you have enough time, energy and creativity to handle things; and that you don’t need to be “in control.” You can be “in charge” instead by thinking thoughts that support you.
Meltdowns are an opportunity to learn about yourself and grow.
Maggie Macaulay is the owner of Whole Hearted Parenting, offering coaching, courses and workshops. Contact her at 954-483-8021 or Maggie@WholeHeartedParenting.com. Visit her website at WholeHeartedParenting.com.