Why parents should be concerned about their kids’ ‘EQ’

Parents worn down by the torrent of brainy books and blogs on child rearing may be tempted to focus on the most proven, pragmatic basics. But they shouldn’t shy away from the concept of emotional intelligence, even if it sounds a bit touchy-feely. Experts say enhancing “EQ” may be a fundamental way to boost a child’s happiness and success, and parents can do quite a bit to promote it.

Our emotional intelligence, as opposed to our intelligence quotient or IQ , is the ability to identify our feelings and emotional responses, regulate them, and empathize with others’ feelings, says Marc Brackett, the founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence.

He says we’ve long underestimated and ignored EQ , especially in kids, instead focusing on academic success and testing them to measure it. Meanwhile, their emotional skills and well-being have fallen by the wayside. But he and other advocates say building emotional intelligence is a straightforward way to enhance physical and mental health, memory, decisionmaking, relationships, creativity, grades and job performance.

Here are some other ways parents can boost their child’s EQ.

◆ Point it out. To help them understand EQ , parents should assess their child’s skills and help them understand what they need to work on. A child might misread situations and people, for instance, Brackett says, or have difficulty controlling emotions.

◆ Explain it. Brackett says parents should gain some understanding of their own EQ and work to improve it.

◆ Show your stuff. “Be a good role model,” Brackett says. “If you are telling your kid to take a breath when they are angry, but you aren’t regulating your own emotions with them, you won’t be very effective.”