‘La familia discute un’ upcoming wedding
La prima Grace de la Grama Cuca was going to get married en junio. Usually las bodas in Fall eran ocaciones that were joyful para toda la gente. Although grama’s cousin was named “Grace,” ever since she was young, she had been well developed y muy curvy. All the boys used to refer to her as “la pelotona.” Pero ahora que she was older, she was a catechism teacher en la iglesia and nobody called her “la pelotona” anymore; instead le llamaba “Sister Grace.”
It seemed que este tiempo de otoño was the most popular time del año cuando a las muchachas le gustaba casarse. Canutito didn’t much like going to weddings porque entonces he would have to put on su sute, una camisa blanca y una corbata. He particularly tried to avoid asu Tía Filomena at those times porque ella tendía una tendencia to grab him and slather Hai Karate after-shave lotion all over him. Canutito even preferred to smell como el Old Spice deodorant de su grampo than to reek of cheap perfume.
Smelling like a skunk was preferable to smelling como ese perfume cheapeh. At those times, he would remember the old Spanish proverb that said: “Véote de lejos; me oles a peleo. Véote cada rato; me oles a chivato.” (I see you from afar; you smell like a minty breeze. I see you every day; you smell like old goat cheese).
“What man is your cousin Grace going to marry, grama?” Canutito asked her.
“I don’t know pero I hope que es un good dresser,” grama replied. “Once they get married, men tend to get a little sloppy de sus looks. My mom used to say que un hombre casão siempre tiene una panza y un fundillo largo y que una mujer casada siempre trai las naguas de afuera.”
Canutito snickered. “A married man always has a big belly and a very long rear end, and a married woman tends to let her slip drag longer than her skirt,” he translated. I think que un casorio costs a lot of money y luego todos esos Ken and Barbies turn back into ranas as soon as it is over.”
“But just think de todas esas personas bien fancies that you’ll get to see, m’hijo,” Grama Cuca said to him as she tried to iron her hair en la tabla de planchar.
“Sí, pero I hope the wedding will take place early en la semana,” Grampo Caralampio said, “you know el old saying: ‘Cuando viene gente el día lunes, sigue viniendo toda la semana.’ ”
“Is that true, grampo?” Canutito asked him. “Whenever people come to your house on Monday, they will continue to come the rest of the week?”
“Sí, m’hijo,” grampo said. “Mi prima used to say that en los weddings all she ever ate were potato chips y sour pickles.”
“I hope they have Laura Scutter’s potato chips,” Canutito said softly. Esas papitas eran sus favoritas de todas las potato chips.
“I wish nobody would get married,” Grampo Caralampio said. “No es más que un gran costo para todos.”
“Se apena más el ordeñador que el dueño de la vaca,” grama muttered as she continued to get dress.
“The man who milks the cow worries more than the actual owner of the cow,” Canutito translated. Y luego he asked, “What does that mean?”
“That means que there are some things que son cheaper que el Hai Karate,” Grama Cuca said, looking at grampo.
Grampo comenzó a vestirse and he quit toda su resongadera…