Feeling ready to marry again

Dear Annie: I have been dating and living with my man now for one and a half years. We are not young; he’s 66, and I’m 58. He’s been married twice, and both times ended in divorce.

I have been married once and am divorced. When we first got together, we both told each other “no” to getting married again, but now I would like to be his wife. We love each other. But I’m not sure how to go about changing his mind. We both have older kids from our previous marriages.

We have a house together, pay bills together and are doing great with life. I am wondering how to go about changing his mind so that I could be Wife No. 3. — Wanting Commitment

Dear Wanting Commitment: If you want commitment, then continue to show your commitment to growing this relationship. You have to open up the conversation. It’s not about changing his mind; it’s about expressing to your partner how much you love him and that you would like to be joined in marriage. He might be more receptive than you think, especially because your lives together are going so well.

Dear Annie: I read so much in your column about divorce and all the pain, anger and divisiveness that can go with it. It doesn’t have to be that way. I have gone through three divorces, but have now been married to my present wife for 16 years. Two of my ex-wives were having extramarital affairs, and the divorces were quite nasty. I had children with all three ex-wives, and it was extremely painful for the kids.

But time has passed, and we have all “buried the hatchet.” We are not only civil with each other but are all good friends. In fact, we have gone on several family vacations together. And every holiday — or birthday of a family member — we celebrate together. Yes, I mean ALL of us! Three ex-wives and their husbands, and all the children, along with my present wife and myself.

All six of my children through these marriages are best friends and get together all the time. They never think of themselves as “half ” brothers or sisters.

I give a lot of credit to my present wife. When we were first married, she wasn’t happy about the fact that I was friends with my exes, but she quickly realized that they were not a threat to our marriage, and she is now very close friends with them all.

I also give credit to a quote from Mark Twain that made me realize that bitterness and anger weren’t the best way to respond to a divorce — or any other situation. He said, “Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” It doesn’t hurt the person you are bitter at, but it eats you alive. It sure has made our lives much happier! — Made It All Work Out in the End

Dear Made It Work: Your letter offers many good tips, and it points out that, despite the ups and downs of life, things can work out in the end. Your wife sounds like a real peach, and a saint, too.

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