In a new year of stress, learn to ‘shake it off’
We are in a new year destined to be marred by stress. The external stressors from COVID-19 have glommed onto 2021.
How do we manage our stress and guide our children to manage theirs when we are facing such complexity and so many unknowns?
There is much guidance for us in Emily and Amelia Nagoski’s new book Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. Emily and Amelia are identical twins who are educators in two vastly different fields — sex and music. They teamed up to write this book for “any woman who has felt overwhelmed and exhausted by everything she had to do, and yet still worried she was not doing ‘enough.’ ”
Their discussion on stress, stressors and the stress response cycle can support all of us moving through another stressful year.
They first make an important distinction between stress and stressors. We may be handling the stressor — and are we handling the stress? Chronic stress, with its impact on every system of our body, has long-term impacts “unless you do something to complete the stress response cycle.”
So often we get stuck in the stress response cycle, never reaching the end of the process. It is like a gazelle, successfully escaping a hungry lion, standing under a tree quivering, shaking it off. We need to shake it off or we end up carrying incomplete stress cycles within us, affecting our health, our emotional well-being and how we respond to our kids.
The most effective way to complete the stress response cycle — to “shake it off ” like the gazelle — is through physical exercise. We can complete the cycle by spending at least 30 minutes each day walking, running, biking, hiking, skiing, stretching or engaging in some other form of physical activity. Stress, like trauma, is stored in our bodies. Having physical exercise at the top of our lists for the new year is a wise move.
The Nagoskis also offer up other ways to complete the cycle, including through affection. Affection received from a trusted, respected, loving human being can help you move through the cycle. You can be that person for your child by giving them a 20-second hug. There is a relaxation response that happens when you hug someone for at least that long, so hold on. Affection from your pet will help, too, so walk your dog and pet your cat. I am going to wrap my arms around my donkey’s neck.
They also suggest breathing deeply with long, slow exhales to “down regulate the stress response.” Yoga, being mindful of your breathing, and meditation can all serve you and your children.
Another way to complete the cycle includes laughter, meaning big belly laughs or even remembering times that you laughed so hard that you cried. Set a daily intention to laugh with your kids.
You can also complete the cycle through “positive social interaction,” which can be as simple as saying hi to the barista in the Starbuck’s drive-thru so that you engage in friendly banter that reminds your nervous system that the world is OK. Say hello to your kids when they enter the room. Have some fun chats throughout the day. Call a friend, especially one who makes you laugh.
Creative expression is another method, and that can include all forms of artistic endeavors. In 2021, get out your paints, welding torch, pointe shoes, pencils, clay, fabric or whatever medium you choose. Express yourself and guide your children to express themselves creatively.
Finally, you can complete the cycle by having a “big ol’ cry.” There is great healing and release in allowing yourself to shake it off via your tears. If your children see you having a cleansing cry, they will know it is OK for them, too.
If you are looking for resolutions for the new year, these practices will serve you and your children well. 2021 can be the year of the gazelle, the year we shake it off.
Maggie Macaulay is the owner of Whole Hearted Parenting, offering coaching, courses and workshops. Contact her at 954-483-8021 or Maggie@WholeHeartedParenting.com. Visit her website at WholeHeartedParenting.com.